An Outlet: Part 3

9 May, 2018.

Finals Week Day 6.

Its the day of the much awaited exam.

I revised quite a bit and went to my centre.

While revising there, I heard a couple women in front of me discussing about 'setting'. Yeah, a lot of women who weren't able to complete their education previously (mostly from not-so-developed areas), maybe get the freedom to do so later on (after marriage, for example). And the degree that I'm pursuing is quite good for this purpose. This is why there are quite a few women giving these exams. I usually feel proud when I see such women cause even at the age they are at, they are willing to get educated and education is one of the important aspects for a proper human development. However, today wasn't one of those days.

Apparently, their (the women who I overheard) seats were around one another and they were discussing their smart copying/cheating strategy. Wow. These are grown ass women who have got a shot at being educated after I don't know how many years and they're thinking of unethical ways of doing so? What do you expect from children then?

I honestly don't understand the concept of cheating, to be honest. Don't you feel undeserving of the marks that you've got via cheating? If you don't know the answer, it's your bloody fault, it's your bloody responsibility to have studied with concentration. There have been times where I didn't know the answers, but if I don't know an answer, someone else's answer won't go on my paper. If I do well, it will be on my own merit. If I do not do well, it will be because of me only.

The two girls in class would ask for my help everyday before the paper and I would just try to get them off my back. Today one of them (the one who had got detention) even taunted me for not helping. Who the fuck is she to me? She never spoke to me in college before. Ever. And now she thinks I should be completely ready to help her? No bitch, I won't. I wish I get the ability to be a bitch to people (who I know and am aware of their existence) and outright say no to them- without caring about their animosity against me- instead of giving whiny excuses to do so. Either way they're going to think ill of me and get their friends against me too. I just want to be a bitch in some cases. 

Coming to the main case,

My Accounts Paper was not good. I had aimed for full since the beginning. My balance sheet did not tally, even after repeated checking. The objectives were difficult and the shares and fire insurance sum had a small change that I got confused about. I'm so mad at myself. 

I'm also mad at my invigilator today. If yesterday we got the most strict invigilator in the entire centre, today we got the most lenient one. It was so annoying. She didn't say or do anything when people started whispering answers. She just sat there and smiled. Eventually everyone got to know that she's allowing people to copy SO EVERYONE STARTED SHOUTING THE ANSWERS OUT LOUD AND EVEN CHANGING THEIR SEATS. WHAT A FUCKING JOKE IS THIS?! ITS A BLOODY UNIVERSITY EXAM FOR GOD SAKE! I got so annoyed at what was happening but I tried to concentrate on my paper. Thankfully, those two girls didn't come over to bother me. 

After coming back home, I saw a lot of messages. From the WORD Committee Group. That's not even the name of the group now. Its 'The Artist's Guild'. They changed the name of the fucking club. That's when I thought: WORD had brought me to one of my lowest points in the beginning of the academic year. And now, at the end of the academic year, it's threatening to pull me back there.

I don't want to recall or think about what happened in the beginning of the college year. I don't want to go in that head space again. But now, there are certain inhibitions. First of all, the annoying junior is taking things on a very rapid pace. I don't know how many meetings has he had with the new mentor or how many people does he have to work with him but looks like he's changing the entire ideology of the WORD club. Or it could be the new mentor's inputs as well. After all, he is from the design field. They changed the name of the club to something else. There are 10 clubs in my college and now there is no WORD. The future batch will not know that WORD ever existed. The current batches will be sure of the fact that WORD is a failed club.

After thinking about it a bit, I can look at it in a different way. Ms. Paula left and the new mentor has come in. He has the power to do whatever he wants and maybe that's how the club changed. That seems probable and kinda makes me feel better about the whole situation.

Later on I got to know that they (whoever went for the meeting) have prepared a presentation which they will present to the new First Years. The presentation, frankly, looks nice. They have big plans. Hopefully they'll be able to put their ideas into action. Also, I came to know that there is a new graphic designer as well. Thank Goodness! No one will be dependent on me to do anything now. Except maybe the reports. And that's my main worry. The new people are planning all big events but they might get a reality check when they'll learn that they have to write reports as well. And I don't want to be around at the time they do cause then that worked maybe dumped on the ones who were doing it previously. I cannot let that happen. I do not want to write any more reports.

I spoke to Paul about this. He feels the same, though he isn't in any urgency to leave. Let's see what happens.

Its my last exam tomorrow! I'm excited!