Green Stilettos? -- l.h. (Under Editing)

Chapter 54

Eventually two weeks or so had passed and everything was going good. Shawn and I had finished a couple of songs and had a decent amount started.

It was late August and I only had a month more with the boys. I had helped out with some of their YouTube videos and went to Magcon every night it showed. But then, it all started crashing down.

I was having mental breakdowns after mental breakdowns. I had to leave the room when I was with the boys almost every time so I could go cry. The first few times they just thought I wanted to use the bathroom in private. I only know that because I heard them say it every time I left.

After that Shawn would come and try and look for me. One time, Shawn walked in on me yelling how stupid and how much of a disgrace I was to myself. When he spoke up, I cried harder and fell to my knees sobbing. He picked me up and laid me on my hotel bed, singing to me until I calmed down. I know I was dating Luke so usually this would make me cry harder.

"You stupid ignorant bitch!" I spat at myself in the mirror. I slammed my head against the wall and Shawn came rushing in just as I fell. He would tell me to try and go to sleep because he knew that was the only way to calm me. But then I realized, I was older than him. I can't have a younger person feeling the need to be responsible of me every time something happens. "I'm too much! This is too much! I can't do it. I can't. I-I-I can win. It's too much for you. For me. I'm so alone..." I trailed off, sobbing.

A few days ago, I was sitting at one of the tables in the venue that Magcon was playing at. I had paper scattered everywhere. Shawn's music, my music, pictures of Ainsley's games, pictures of the WWA tour, a fill-out sheet for a magazine interview, and forms to have Carlo leave me full custody of the house when he leaves.

I had them all scattered out and I was holding a piece of my music in my hand. Jack Glinsky sat beside me and asked to see my paper. I handed it him and rested my head on the table.

"So what's it about?" He asked leaning towards me. "It's about how when I was twelve, an ex boyfriend of mine, named Justin, showed my nudes to his friends and I got sent to the hospital for telling my guidance counselor I was going to kill myself." I said leaning back in my chair.

"How's it coming over here Kenz?" Shawn asked in a quiet voice just before Glinsky said, "This girl is one strong ass chick. I don't know how but, if I were in her shoes it'd be really hard for me." He said. "Oh you have no idea..." I trailed off silently. "Jonson wants you." Shawn said. Jack got up and left and Shawn took his spot.

He sat there and watched me while I did my work, calming me when I got upset. Suddenly I stopped working and he asked me what was wrong. "Sorry. I get distracted when things are too hard." I said looking down. "I can't do it Shawn... It's too much." I said starting to cry.

Shawn took me out of the venue before any of the boys saw. I slid down the wall outside and burrowed my head in my knees. Shawn stood over me blocking me from paparazzi and fans.

One day later I was doing the same thing at a table, in the venue, where the boys would play that night. I was looking at pictures Ainsley had sent me and I started to get angry.

She was hanging out with more guys more frequently and not saying a word to me. I got so upset that I slammed my hands on the table and aggressively slid all of the papers floating to the floor.

Carter, Aaron, Sam, and Mahogany all came rushing over to help me. "I've got it." I said but they didn't listen. "Hey! I've got it. It was my mistake, I can fix it." I said. They still didn't listen and were frantically picking up my mess.

"Hey!" I finally snapped. They looked up. "Drop the papers. I can do this. It's my mess and I can pick it up. I appreciate your offer, I really do! Just, don't take this personal and let me do it myself. It'll be..." I trailed off and breathed in. "Fine." I let out. They set the papers down and slowly walked away giving me a hug.

After I had finally finished sorting my papers again, someone stuck their hand out for me. "Brent. Hey." I said quietly. Shawn watched from a few feet away. "Take me hand, MacKenzie. It'll be alright. I promise you." He said. I took his hand and he led me to the stage. We sat down and talked.

"Listen kiddo, sometimes all of this, everything in life basically, get to be a little too much. But you've gotta realize that soon, the fog stopping you from finding your way, will clear up. You don't have to be afraid, because everyone in this room, everyone in the world, is all the same. We all get scarred and frightened at times, we all feel hopeless and sad but, in reality, we all know that sometimes it can be a little too much." He said. Tears brimmed my eyes and I tackled him on the stage with hugs. "Thank you." I whispered. "So much." "Anytime my little McNugg." He said laughing.

"Wait! Wait! Wait a minute! Hey can you say that again for me Brent?" Shawn asked. I got up off of him and blushed. "What? You mean that sometimes it all gets a little too much but that MacKenzie needs to realize that, that happens to everyone and we're all the same when it comes to that. And also that the fog stopping her will rise and she shouldn't be afraid?" Brent asked. "Exactly." Shawn said pressing the stop button on his voice memos.

Hey! If you got my little "reference" in there we should be BFFS ;) 😘