Blood vs. Loyalty

Faith and Despondency

Holly walked through the newly finished clubhouse, making sure all the girls were cooking before leaving, leaving the kids with Brooke, Wendy, and Lyla, heading to see Skeeter, going to pick up Bobby's ashes. She knocked on Skeeter's door, giving him a sad smile when he opened the door. She walked inside, handing him the urn she'd picked out for Bobby, handing it to Skeeter so he could put Bobby's ashes in.

"I never thought Bobby'd be gone. That fat bastard was always so stubborn and strong."
"Yeah, he was. He will be very missed."
"Sorry for your loss, Holly."
"It's not just my loss, Skeeter. The whole club's feeling it."

She gave him some cash before leaving, putting Bobby in the front seat and buckling him in so the urn wouldn't fall. She climbed in and drove back to the clubhouse, seeing the guys' bikes there, sighing softly as she got out, grabbing the urn and bringing it inside. She looked over at Jax when he spotted her, letting him go over to her. She let him take the urn, watching him with teary eyes.

"I was thinking we could spread some of his ashes at the cabin and keep the rest here. Let him be in the places he loved the most."
"That's a good idea, babe."
"I still have to go to his place and go through his stuff. Happy and Tig are gonna meet me there to help out with his bike and his car. And the furniture."
"You don't have to do that....
"Yes, I do. Bobby's shit is not gonna be manhandled by someone that didn't know him like we did. I won't let his memories be scattered by people that don't care."
"I was gonna say that you don't have to do that alone. Chibs and Nero said that they'd help you if you want the help."
"Oh. Sorry. I'll let them help. I'm just tired. And sad. I didn't get any sleep last night."
"I know. You were tossing and turning all night."
"Sorry if I woke you up."
"Care to tell me what's on your mind?"
"Bobby. And this shit with the Chinese. I've lived my entire life, even before you and I were together, trying to plan for every possible outcome. It's part of being an old lady. Seeing the things that our old men don't. At least, not right away. But this? It feels just as big a shock as Zobelle. And even that didn't hit the club as hard as this. And it hurts. Bobby meant so much to all of us that I don't know what it'll be like without him."

Holly sat down with Abel and Tommy, while Jax kept the girls with him, letting Abel sit on her lap.

"Did uncle Bobby join grandma up in heaven?"
"Yes, he did, buddy."
"Is he ever gonna come back?"

She sniffled softly, her mom's voice popping into her head.

"No, he's not. But that doesn't mean that he can't see us or that we can't see him."
"What do you mean, mommy?"
"When I was a little girl, my mommy told me something that helped me out when I would lose someone like we lost uncle Bobby. She used to tell me that there are holes in the floor of heaven and all of the people, all of the angels, up in heaven and they can use those holes to watch the people they loved. And when it rains, that's their tears falling on us, showing how much they miss us and want to be with us again. And when the sun's shining and the sky is super blue, that's when they're proud of us or happy for us. And that one day we'll see them all again. And we won't ever have to leave them again."
"So we'll see grandma and uncle Bobby again?"
"One day, buddy. I promise."

She looked over as she kissed Abel's head.

"You know, I'll bet Happy and Chibs could use a hug from you boys. Why don't you go over there?"

She let them go as Venus came over, leaning into her friend when Venus hugged her.

"How are you holding up, sugar bear?"
"As ok as I can be after giving a eulogy for the man that helped raise me. He made the cakes for every single one of my birthdays. And for the kids' birthdays. It's hard to know that that tradition's over."

She sniffled softly, crying into Venus' shoulder, not hearing Jax come over until he asked Venus to go check on Tig before bringing Holly in for a hug, leading her into the back bedroom, letting her cry into him, crying softly with her, thinking of Bobby.

Holly walked upstairs from the basement, bringing up a box of the stuff Bobby left behind from the last time he stayed over. When she heard someone knocking on the door, she put the box on the table before going to see who it was, letting Tig and Venus in.

"I didn't think you'd be up, sugar bear."
"I couldn't sleep. When I was at Bobby's the other day, there was stuff missing. And then an hour ago I remembered that Bobby was the last one to use the basement, so I was getting the rest of his stuff."
"You need anymore help, doll?"
"No, thanks. If I do, Jax is just upstairs."
"How's he doing?"
"About as well as you and the rest of the club, Tiggy. If you wanna talk to him, he's upstairs in the play area with the kids."

She let him kiss her head before looking over at Venus.

"You want something to drink, V? I've got tea, coffee, water. A bunch of wine in the fridge."
"Just some tea, sugar bear. Want some help making it?"
"I've got it, V."

She came back when the tea was done, putting the sugar down.

"I've got an inquiry for you."
"What's up?"
"Tig opened up quite a bit to me tonight, in an emotional way, and your name came up."

She couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah. Anything that happened between Tig and I is over."
"He mentioned that you two almost started something."
"Almost being the operative weird. I was 19 and wanted something more than the idiots my own age. He's a really great guy, great fuck, but I could never shake the feeling of wanting to be with Jax. I knew, even then, that Jax and I were meant to be together. I didn't wanna lead Tig on in that way so I pulled away. Ended up with a bunch of losers before my ex nearly killed me."

The two talked for a while until Tig and Jax came down.

"We put the kids down for the night, babe."
"Ok. I'll be up in a minute."

She got up and walked them out, kissing them both goodnight before locking up the house. She went over to Jax, walking upstairs and to bed, curling into Jax's arms, sending up a prayer of thanks, thanking God for her family and friends. She curled into Jax, yawning as she drifted off to sleep in Jax's arms, resting her head on Jax's chest.