Blood vs. Loyalty

Holly's Letters

'My dearest Abel-----

You are single-handedly one of my biggest accomplishments. For so many reasons. You have been through a couple of tragedies on your own and you became the person I talk about when I say that parents, real parents, would go to the ends of the earth for their babies. You may not be my blood, but if there's one thing I would want you to carry with you, it's something your grandpa John used to say. Blood makes you related but loyalty makes you family. You know your birth mom. Wendy. The reason she didn't enter your life until the last couple years was because she had an issue with drugs while you were inside her. When you were born, you were really sick and the doctors didn't think you were gonna make it. 8 years later and you are still the strongest little boy I know. You might not be my blood, but you are my heart.

Your daddy used to do things that brought a lot of trouble to him and your uncles and their friends. But never once has he ever let that hurt you or keep you from him for very long. For the longest time, we were worried about you and how it would affect you. Your brother came along at the tail end of a tragedy that I thought your daddy and I would never recover from. But from that tragedy came something so amazing. Not just your brother's existence, but a relationship from family that I never knew about for the longest time. We were so happy to have you back and to have your brother come along that we let ourselves get wrapped up in our happiness, ignoring the dangers that we'd grown accustomed to. More tragedies came, some at the hands of the people that meant something to us and some at the hands of outside forces, and Valentina after that. That was a difficult time for your daddy and I. The dangers had caught up to us and almost broke us. But another tragedy brought us back together. Lilia came last after more tragedies, and even more tragedies followed her. If I had had my way, you would've grown up in a house full of brothers and sisters. But after Lilia, that's when your daddy had had enough of the tragedies all of that violence brought on our lives. He wanted to give you kids a better life. Something better than what we had. We both wanted you kids to have options in life. And not just whether or not to join the club. School isn't the most important thing in life, but it's more important than you'll end up thinking it is. What I want for you, my little buddy, is to follow your heart. Explore anything and everything until you find something that makes you deliriously happy. Once you find that happiness, you'll know that that's where you're meant to be. But keep in mind that there's risks no matter what you do. You'll be hurt, you'll hurt others, you'll lose people, and there's always a chance that you could lose yourself. But happiness and love is always worth fighting for. Your daddy taught me that. And it's something I've fought for since the day I realized how much I loved your dad. We ended up being happier than I ever thought we could be. I got incredibly lucky. I pray that all of you get that luck. And that you'll never forget that we love you. Even if you grow to hate us or go down a path that you don't think we'd approve of or who you end up loving. As long as you own up to the mistakes you make, learn from them and fight for what you think is right....You'll be ok, Abel.

I love you, my little buddy.

- mommy'

'Tommy, my darling boy----

You came around during one of the worst moments in mine and your dad's lives, but you ended up being one of the best things to ever happen to us. You were my first born and the first baby I got to keep. You were told many secrets while you couldn't talk or remember anything when mommy or daddy needed to talk. We unloaded so much on you and that wasn't fair. I'm sorry. You're too young right now to understand too much, but one day you'll understand way more than you'll ever wanted to. My advice to you is learn to understand what it really means to be strong. Being strong doesn't mean keeping your emotions under wraps until it eats you alive and makes you do something that you'll regret or that you'll never be able to take back. It means being able to show people that you can be vulnerable when everyone around you is telling you that it's not ok to show your emotions. Cry when you're upset. Punch a wall when you're angry. Smile when you're happy. And don't be afraid.

You and your brother and sisters might hear some bad things about your daddy and the club later on in life. If you do, don't let that poison you to your family. Never once has daddy or I ever given up on you. You, Abel, Valentina and Lilia have always been our greatest accomplishments and the four of you have always been more important to us than anything else in this world. Even our own lives. No kid ever believes this until they grow up, but everything that real parents do is to make sure their kids are as happy and healthy as possible. No matter what you might hear about daddy or I, we always did what we could to make sure that you had everything you needed and as much of what you wanted as possible. Your daddy and I have always and will always love you. Don't ever forget that.

- mommy'

'My little princess Valentina----

You were born during the worst moment in my relationship with your daddy. And if it hadn't been for you, your daddy and I wouldn't have lasted. I would've taken you and your brothers and left him and Charming. Maybe that's unfair to put that knowledge on your shoulders, but it's not meant to burden you or anything like that.....It's meant to show you things can change on the drop of a dime. You will never expect where it comes from or what form it's in, but it'll happen. Learn from it, baby girl. Take those changes and adapt. You'll be better off for it. Trust me, baby girl. Being a daddy's girl isn't a bad thing. I was when I was little too. I don't necessarily want you to be me, but do what I did and find someone like your dad. It sounds weird, but your dad is a good man. One of the best. When you do start dating, you'll go through guys that'll be losers, jerks and a total waste of your time. But don't let any of them be the role model your children look up to. It might not happen right away that you find the one that makes you so happy you could scream it out, but when it does happen, hold on just tight enough. But don't hold on too tight. That's how you lose them. But never forget that things can change. All we can really do when things happen is adapt accordingly. It won't always be easy and you might end up heartbroken. But keep getting onto your feet. Your grandma Gemma always used to say that it wasn't how you fall that matters. It's how you get up. So stand on your feet and be as strong as you possibly can. Your daddy and I love you, baby girl. Never forget that.

- mommy'

'Mommy's precious little angel----

Lilia, I can't even begin to tell you how much I love you. Words don't even begin to tell you how important you are to me. Your daddy doesn't know the real story behind my nickname for you, and I don't ever want him to know. I almost lost you for good. There was a moment not too long after you were born that you stopped breathing in your sleep. I panicked for a minute, looking at your blue face. Uncle Alex was named your godfather because if it hadn't been for him, you wouldn't be with me. With us. He saved your life and mine that night. I would watch you fall asleep every night until you didn't have to use that monitor every night, and there were nights I would lose sleep so I could watch you sleep. I kept you close for a while, keeping an eye on you. You're more than just my angel, you're my miracle. There's a laundry list of things that I could tell you, but the only advice that I want to give you is never lose yourself. You might be a shy girl, but you have a lot of love to give. Even as young as you are right now, you are mommy's angel and your daddy's cuddle bug. Don't let anyone take that from you. Who you are is perfectly fine and amazing. Don't let anyone tell you to change who you are or some hell bent heart make you bitter. But don't let anyone take advantage of your kind heart either. Out of all of our babies, your daddy and I worry about you less. Not because we don't love you, but because you're so smart and intuitive, even at such a young age. As our baby, we'll always worry about you. But I feel like you're gonna go far, baby girl. So be who you want to be. Smile, laugh, play, cry, and live your life the way you want to. Make as many mistakes as possible, but learn from them. Don't ever compromise yourself. No matter what. We love you. No matter what happens, that'll never change.

- mommy'