Just Smile

CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN

*HEYOOOOO THE ENDING*

*BRIAN'S POV*
*Four Weeks Later*
It had been four weeks since Ivy was born and today she was finally coming out of the neonatal unit! Rog and I had spent time in there with her over the last few weeks but we still weren't able to hold her because she had a bit of a crash a week after she was born. Penny told us her heart rate dropped rapidly and they had to monitor her very closely for almost another week before we were allowed in again. It was terrifying hearing that there was something wrong with her. She had been so strong the whole way through my pregnancy and once she was born it was like her tiny body couldn't handle it. I don't know how many nights I spent crying in Roger's arms thinking the worst was going to happen. I'm so relieved she's doing so much better now though and we were finally able to take her home today!

"I can't believe we finally get to hold her!" Rog squealed happily, his body dancing around my hospital room. I was cleared about a week after my surgery to be able to go home, but Penny suggested I stay in case stress from worrying about Ivy caused some tension around my wound. It was still very fresh and she'd explained how easy it was for an infection to set it so I tried my hardest to stay as calm as I could and limit my pacing of the hospital corridors.

"It's only been a month." I sighed, an anxious lump stuck in my throat as I watched the clock tick closer to the time she was being brought to us. The last few weeks were hell for the most part, the pair of us getting on each other's nerves more than once while we've been here. I think the worrying over Ivy's health took it's toll on us a little and we'd had more than a few make up cuddles over the month. I hated not being close to him. We needed each other more than ever and I couldn't lose him now.
I couldn't wait to hold my little girl in my arms. Not being able to hold your baby was agony let me tell you, and I don't think I'll be able to let her out of my sight once we finally get her home.

"She's grown so much already since she was born." He sighed too, stopping in front of the door to have a quick peek out to see if she was on her way. "We won't recognize her soon." He added, muttering to himself mostly as he turned back to face me. I could sense we're both feeling the same thing, like we were missing out on Ivy's life with her being away from us for so long. I understood that she needed to be in the neonatal unit and they were doing all they could to look after her, but I just couldn't help but feel left out of things. She was away for longer than she was with us and just not being there when she had her first bath or was taken out of her crib for the first time kind of hit you in the heart a bit. "Are you okay?" He asked, frowning as he came to sit beside me on the edge of the bed, his hand resting on my thigh supportively. "This is an exciting day Bri." He pointed out, probably sensing that I wasn't feeling the best.

"I know it's exciting." I mumbled, sighing once again as I sat my hand on top of his. "I just...I don't know." I shrugged. I couldn't really describe how I was feeling in all honesty, not really having the right words to say. "I feel like she's not even really ours. We've hardly seen her Rog." I whispered, feeling myself get a little teary thinking about it. "She's our baby and we've not seen her for half of her life!" I exclaimed, frustrated that we'd not been as involved as we wanted to be. I wasn't blaming Penny or any of the other nurses and doctors that have helped Ivy or me over the time we've been here, not at all, they were so incredible! I was mostly blaming myself for causing her to need to be delivered early. Penny said it wasn't my fault but I couldn't help but think it was. I was meant to keep her safe, and I couldn't do that. What kind of father can't protect their child? "I'm s-sorry." I sighed. "I just...I miss seeing her." I added quietly.

"Don't be sorry Bri." Rog sighed too, giving my leg a gentle squeeze to show he was there for me. "I miss being with her too, and I get what you're saying about not really feeling like she's ours yet." He nodded in agreement. "It's hard to think of her as ours when we can't spend more than an hour with her at a time." He mumbled, summing it up perfectly. It was hard sitting through such a quick visit with Ivy when we knew we'd just have to leave her again. An hour at a time wasn't enough to be able to bond with her as much as we should be able to, and I couldn't help but feel as though we were going to struggle now when we took her home. We should've already connected with her and I just don't think we have with her being in there. It was like she was the hospital's baby more than she was ours!