Just Smile

CHAPTER FORTY

*JOHN'S POV*
I couldn't breathe. I actually couldn't breathe as I stood standing face-to-face with my Mum. My mother. The woman who would shout and scream at me and kick and shove me around almost everyday for years, standing right in front of me again.

"Oh fuck." I heard Freddie gasp, him knowing exactly how I was feeling as he tightened his grip on my hand, showing me he was still there. It had been over a year since I'd seen my mother, since I left the house in the middle of the night to finally escape everything that went on in that hell hole. I couldn't believe she was standing there, standing right there, almost as if she were a ghost!

"John." She sighed, her eyes looking watery as she took a step closer to us. I instantly backed away, my hand holding my bump protectively as she looked down. Her eyes widened quickly as she noticed I was pregnant. "Oh John." She shook her head, not hiding her tears as I looked away, not wanting anything to do with her. I couldn't face her. I couldn't talk to her!

"L-Let's go, p-please." I stuttered out, Freddie nodding as he started to lead me away from the situation, his hand on my waist as I began to feel myself shaking. I couldn't deal with this. I was over them. I was over feeling like shit about myself and my life and now seeing her has brought it all back, like I'm right back there being scared out of my mind as I locked myself in my fucking wardrobe because I didn't know what they were going to do to me the next time they came into my room. I couldn't see her. I couldn't be around her. I just couldn't handle it.

"It's okay lovey, it's okay." Freddie soothed, holding me close to him as I clenched my eyes shut, wishing this was some kind of horrible nightmare I'd wake up from.

"John I-" She started, sounding as if she was following us.

"No." Freddie cut my mother off quickly before she could even finish what she was trying to say, his voice firm and serious as I forced myself further into his embrace. "You don't get to speak to him." He added protectively. "Let's go darling. It's okay." He whispered, leading me away from her again as my legs started to feel like jelly. This couldn't be happening. She couldn't be here. How, where, why?! I didn't understand why now she was suddenly here. I'd come here to buy things with Brian and she was never here. Why now? Why was she here now?! It made me panic more knowing she knew I was pregnant. She knew she had a grandchild. She knew about Archie. I didn't want that, I never wanted that. I never wanted either of those monsters to know about my baby. She'd probably tell him now. She'd go home and tell him all about it and he'll hate me even more. He'll probably try and find me. What if he finds me? What if he finds me and tries to hurt my baby?!

"S-She, she knows!" I panicked, shaking my head as Fred steered us towards the exit, trying to get us out of this place as soon as possible.

"It's okay John, she can't hurt you now. I'm here." He soothed again, not picking up on what I was saying as he kept his voice low and calming.

"Hey!" Someone shouted suddenly, making my heart jump as forced myself deeper into Freddie's chest.

"It's just Rog love, just Rog." My boyfriend said softly, tightening his arms around me as the drummer ran over to us (Brian following along behind with the pram).

"Where are you guys going?" Roger asked, looking confusingly between Freddie and I.

"Is everything okay?" Brian added, sounding concerned as he stopped behind his partner.

"W-We have to go lovey." Freddie answered, not giving away the reason why as I stayed silent, not trusting myself to talk.

"What, you're kidding? We only just bloody got here!" Rog grumbled, sounding annoyed.