Destiel One Shots

85. How Does One "Bless My Face"?

Dean walked into the library to find Cas looking at Sam's laptop, giggling and laughing his head off. The hunter was immediately curious.

"Cas?" He called.

Cas looked up at him briefly before returning his attention to the laptop screen. "Dean, YouTube is a beautiful thing."

Dean chuckled, wondering what the curious little ex angel has stumbled across. "Who is it? Pewdiepie? Those Smosh guys? Jenna Marbles? Annoying Orange? C'mon, who is it?"

"He calls himself Tobuscus."

"Tobuscus? You mean... Toby Turner?"

"Do you remember my search for God that went unsuccessful?"

"Yeah?" Dean was a bit confused now.

"I believe we have found him."

Dean laughed at that. "Okay. Oh my god. Oh, man, if Toby friggin Turner turns out to be God." There was no way to end that sentence.

"Well, often times, he does say, 'I am The Lord!'"

Dean chuckled. "Cas, he's not being serious."

"He's never serious. That is the point."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, sure, that's one way of looking at it. What are you watching now?"

"I believe he is 'ranting'." He formed air quotes around "ranting".

"Ah. What's he ranting about?"

"I believe it is called 'autocorrect'."

"Oh yeah. Autocorrect's a bitch."

"Would you like to watch?"

"Um... I dunno. I guess."

He started the video over, and the first thing they saw was the intro with the Tobuscus label being crushed by two pieces of metal, the deep voice yelling, "TOBUSCUS!"

"Phone maker companies. Why does predictive text still suck?"

He went on and on about some of the stupid stuff autocorrect did. Like when he typed "go" it predicted "to". And when he typed "so" it predicted "do". Or when he typed "says" it predicted "days".

He began to make fun of the manufacturer. "If someone writes 'says' they probably wanna say 'days'. Who says 'says' anyway?" He gasped. "I just did."

Dean probably laughed at the "paycho" part more than anything.

"Whatever paycho. Why don't you go paycho on your paycho paycho paychos?" He did a high five gesture over his shoulder. "High five off to the side."

He usually didn't watch the randomness that was Tobuscus. But Cas seemed to like it, so he'd give it a try. He'd do anything with his angel.

When the subscribe jingle came on, Cas wanted to watch more of his unnecessary rantings.

"Wait a minute, how many of these rants does he have?"

"Well, there's the ranting of autocorrect, allergies, Christmas, voicemail, passwords, and his most recent rant on bad luck."

"Good god. He's got way too much time on his hands."

"Yes. It is a wonderful thing."

They began with the allergy rant and went from there. He was complaining about how he did stuff on the internet but he couldn't play with cats.

"Oh, so he's allergic to cats too." Dean observed.

Then he went on about how the human body should be able to reprogram itself so water tastes awesome, exercising should feel like a massage, and so on.