Letters || TaeJin ✔

57. Comfort

I'm glad that Jungkook is not at home yet. I am sure that he will flip once he learned what happened between me and Jimin.

I know I should not feel guilty. But the tears won't stop falling. I can't understand why things have to go this way. I really can't.

A knock on the door puts be back to reality. I wipe my tears. If it's Jungkook, he will ask and I don't want to add on his problems.

Taehyung pulled me in his arms as soon as I open the door. Being this close to him where I can just cry endlessly on his chest is one of the best feelings in the world. I know I am in pain but his presence can make everything alright. What more if I am wrapped in his arms?

I feel him kissing my head and his fingers raking my hair. His other hand on my back keeping me close. "I know you're like this. I cannot let you be like this Jin."

His words are so comforting. It always makes me feel safe, loved, and taken care of. He makes me feel so many good feelings. And I am thankful.

***

"Did he hurt you?" Taehyung asked while staring at my finger gliding around the mouth of the shot glass. I bring him to a soju tent. Somewhere I know he hasn't been yet, instead of going to a high-class bar.

I smile and nod. I did not check if Jimin's fingers are still stamped on my cheeks. I cannot lie to Taehyung. "But I'm okay. Don't worry."

Taehyung pours another shot in my glass after I took it. "I wonder why he always physically hurt you but I am more worried about the words he said to you. He knows exactly how to lie and manipulate. I am worried that he said something harsh to you."

I scoffed. I can already feel the alcohol in my system. I am not a drinker. A few shots can make me feel tipsy. "He blamed me for what he is right now. He told me how much he hated me because of my talents. As if I have everything I want, you know? I am poor. I did not even finish high school. I don't have parents. I am working my ass off to eat, to pay our rent and bills. I forgot that I can be a relationship because I am so busy thinking of ways on how Jungkook can finish his degree.

He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. His father owned a big company. He finished his degree without a problem. He even owned a cafe and he does not need to worry about how he will survive a day but he is still insecure. Do you know what treasure I only have? You and my brother. And he wanted you for him.

I am guilty because I am selfish. That's something I cannot give to him. This is the first time someone gave importance to me. Someone who likes me even I have nothing. How can I just give you up?

But I am so insensitive not to ask if he's okay. I didn't know that he's going through a lot. That his parents were so cruel to him and that they were pushing him to do things he doesn't want. That they were looking for something in him that he doesn't have. They called him talentless and useless.

I thought he was just trying to make me feel guilty when he told me that his father wanted him to give up the cafe so he can handle their company. Am I cruel? Am I cruel for not being there for him or being so insensitive not to acknowledge his feelings? Am I--"

His lips stop me. He crashes his lips into mine and gives me a deep passionate kiss. I know we are in public but like what I've said, he always gives me the feelings I haven't felt before. And it's so good. Just good that it can easily wash away all my worries. He pulls away and glides his thumb on my lips, leaning his forehead against mine.

"You have nothing to be guilty about. You have nothing to do with how he lives his life or how he chooses to live it. It's not your fault if he chooses to drown himself in his insecurities. He has choices. He can choose to be better. He can prove to his parents that they are wrong. That he can be successful without them.

I don't know why you're guilty. If you want, you can rebuild your friendship with him if you want to. Give him space for a while. You're not harsh to him. You don't know what's going on. It's not an excuse for him to treat you like trash. It's not an excuse for him to lie and deceive. It's not an excuse for him to act that way.

Jin, please. I don't want you to let me go either. I am certain about my feelings for you. I don't want to force myself to like someone I don't want or having second thoughts about. I've never been so certain in my life. I want you to be part of it. You, your life, whatever you are, whatever you will become. Please, I don't want you to think of letting go of me. I don't want that to happen. Even the thought of it."

I lean my head on his shoulder. Tears just keep on falling from my eyes. I don't know what I did to deserve someone as loving, patient, and understanding as Taehyung. But somehow, I think he is my reward for so many years of living for others.

***

"Hoseok helped me buy clothes to wear tomorrow," I said while he walks me home. We opted to walk to the soju tent then now back to my apartment. He said I needed some fresh air to relax.

He smiled shyly as he tightens his hand around mine. "I told you, you don't need new clothes. But if you're happy with it, then it's okay. You excite me seeing you in those."

I giggle every time he's shy. I love seeing his boxy smile and this is one of those moments. "You said we will be check-in in a hotel. I don't want to look like trash there."

Taehyung removes his hand from holding mine. Instead, he puts it around my shoulder and pulls me closer to him. "I honestly do not care what other people say. You're the most beautiful human being I've ever met. Even if you're just in an over-sized hoodie and jeans, I still find you beautiful."

I read somewhere that our tongue is the mirror of our hearts. Jimin's words were manipulative and harsh and perhaps, it's because his heart was full of hatred, pain, and insecurities. My words that came out earlier were full of worry, misery, and guilt, it's because I've been keeping a lot in my heart that I am afraid to express. Taehyung's words are so comforting, it's because and I hope it's because I already have a special place in his heart.

I look at my watch as we stop in front of the apartment building. The car is parked in front and I know Taehyung is about to go. It's almost 12 midnight and I don't want to let his hand go.

"Are you waiting for something?" he asked. Maybe he noticed how I keep on checking my watch.

"Yes. Few more seconds," I answered as I keep my eyes on my wrist. And as soon as the clock hits 12, I stare in his eyes, wrap my arms around his neck, and gives him a soft quick kiss. "Happy Birthday!"

He chuckled, probably of how I planned things. He puts his arms around my waist and gives me a soft but a much longer kiss. "Thank you. I am glad that you feel a lot better now. And please, sleep early. I hope Jungkook won't get mad at me for allowing you to drink."

I shake my head. "That's our past time and I'm not drunk. I'm okay."

He kisses me on my nose before removing my arms around his neck so he can hold my hands. "Get in now. I don't want to leave you here outside."

I nod my head and squeeze his hands. "Call me once you're home."

He smiles at me and gives me another kiss on the lips. "I will."