Letters || TaeJin ✔

49. Choice

Taehyung

Jin fell asleep in my arms. Perhaps, he's so tired that he fell asleep while we hug. I am planning to sleep on the couch but since he's already asleep and I might wake him up once I move, I decided to just stay and let him sleep.

Aside from occasional coughing, he's sleeping soundly the whole night. I'm glad Sam was here to give Jin the medicines. It did wonders for Jin. He's still warm but his fever somehow subsides. Another thing, no more nightmares for him. He will cuddle up whenever he will move and I swear, I am smiling the whole time.

Nothing happened. After that short kiss, we just hug with no talking. I just massage his nape as he rests his head on my shoulder. I want to restrain myself from doing something more than the kiss. I guess it's not the right time to do something more than that. I can still remember how scared he was earlier and I don't want to do the same. I don't want to scare him. All I want right now and for the days to come is for him to trust me. If we will do something more than a kiss, I want it to be more special. As special as him.

I did get a short sleep.  But it's okay. Watching him sleep then waking up beside Jin is more than okay. He sleeps with mouth open, he snored loud probably because he's so tired working and he sleeps in a pout. He's just so adorable.

He moved, rubbing his face on my chest. He coughed a little before opening his eyes. He yawns then pouts his lips before looking at me.

"Good morning." I greeted him with a smile.

Jin rubbed his eyes. His gaze wandered around the room. His eyes stared at the wall clock before looking at me. "Good morning. You did not wake me up. I have newspaper deliveries today."

I chuckled at his complaint. I wish he will stop worrying about his work or how his day will go. I squeezed his nose and gave him a peck on his forehead. "Jungkook did it for you."

His eyes quickly went on mine. "Kookie?"

I nodded, tightening my arms around his body. "I told you last night not to worry and that's what I am talking about.  It's already Christmas tomorrow and I only want you to rest, enjoy and clear your mind."

Jin bit his lips and I noticed how his ears turned red. "I forgot that it's Christmas tomorrow."

It hurts to know that problems made him forget the days. It hurts that he's so focused on working that the special occasions are just an ordinary day for him. I can tell, he endured a lot. He suffered a lot. He deserved happiness this time.

"From now on, I will be here to remind you of the special days." I stared happily at his still puffy eyes.

Jin sits down on the bed, shifting in his place to face me. His face looks as if he will say something I am so scared to hear. My heart began to pound in my chest, wishing I am wrong. I mean, it's still too early to have my heartbroken. Literally too early in the morning.

Jin's eyes met mines and he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry for all the burdens. I know things are just happening too fast between us. We just confessed that we like each other and here I am, already giving you problems."

I sit down also to face him. I've practiced in my head all the things that I wanted to say while he was sleeping. I know that Jin is a worrier. He worries about anything and everything even about things beyond his control. I know he worries about Jimin. I know he's worried about us and I hate to admit that he's worried about my status.

"Taehyung, I don't want to start the day without telling you this because it will only make my heart heavy than it was before. It's true, I am worried because of our difference. I know it's too cliche to tell this but we're like heaven and earth. No in-between. I am out of your league. I still cannot believe that someone like you will like me. I am always insecure about myself. About my clothes even the texture of my hands. Jimin accused me of being a gold digger. It's one of the reasons why I am so hesitant about us. You know, I can't blame people if they will see me like that. I mean, let's be real, who am I? I am a nobody. People will ask you, why me?

I know Jimin and I have our misunderstandings and this situation will make everything worst between us. I am anticipating his wrath once he learned about me sleeping here, cuddling with you and kissing you. It hurts to admit that yes, I betrayed him. Liking someone that I know he likes."

"Stop."

"No, please listen to me."

"Jin, please. Jimin and I have nothing in the first place. You did not steal me from him if that's what you mean. I cannot force myself to like him. I don't want to live in regrets.

Please, stop worrying too much. If you're bothered by Jimin, I will handle our issues. Okay, I will let you handle your issues about him. But it's not right that you will ignore what you really feel just to satisfy your friend, just to avoid conflicts between you and him. It's not wrong to fall Jin. It's not wrong to like someone.

It's painful to hear that Jimin treated you that way because of me. That was so selfish. He gave you emotional and physical pain. He only made everything worst for both of us. Everything he did is a complete turn-off. Inventing stuff about himself, taking credits from you, not giving importance on the smallest things, saying bad things about people, and deceiving me. He did all of that to please me. But I needed none of that. Love comes out naturally. It should not be forced or imposed.

You will ask me, what if he did not do anything bad and he's really the one doing all the works? I cannot answer that because it did not happen. If that scenario happened, it means you and I did not meet early on. But if I am going to see you in his restobar, I will still get attracted. Like what Yoongi felt the first time he saw you. It's not impossible because you have that power to captivate. What more if people will see you from the inside? Then I bet people will run after you.

Jin, please don't doubt me, my feelings, us. I had two boyfriends before. During college and one abroad. They were not from the wealthy clan. One of them working in a music store as a cashier. I'm telling you this because I am not after the status. I always follow my heart and like what I just said, loving someone comes out naturally for me.

I'm sorry but your worries just made me even more frustrated. I like you so bad! I really do. And I hope you will not break my heart by refusing. I'm sorry for pressuring you but I will give you time if you need it. Just don't make decisions that fast."

Jin's eyes glistened. I don't want to make him cry. Is he going to cry because I pressured him? I hope not.

"Did I tell you to listen to me?" Jin asked while staring at me.

I nod.

"Because I wanted to tell you that I will not let anyone or anything steal my happiness this time. I will choose myself. I will choose you. I will choose my happiness. I will not let my fear destroy everything for me. I don't want to regret something without even trying. Like you, I really really like you. Not because of your status but because even in that status, you're still so kind, you're so nice to me. And you're so handsome."

The last word made me chuckle. I don't know what to feel. I feel like I am floating. Did I just hear those words from Jin? Feeling so overly happy, I pulled him and kissed him deeply on his lips. Nothing and no one can stop me.

***
AN:

Guys, it's so overwhelming in a very good way. Thank you for the 100k reads. It feels like heaven knowing how many people support Letters. I hope my writings heal you. I really want to make you all happy. That's my goal.

I love you all so much and again, from the bottom of my purple heart, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!

Please stay healthy and happy always.

Love,
Iya

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Note: Errors I'll try to fix later.