WangXian Forever 5

Chapter 10 Talking

XiChen took the afternoon off for this.

He sighed, deeply.

What he had to say, was going to be difficult. And Jiang Cheng was in a bad place, most of that caused, perhaps not caused, but definitely exacerbated by himself.

He was pacing outside the Hanshi, trying to find the courage to enter his own home, to talk to his own husband.

He felt bad. He wanted to forget about it, walk away and not think about it ever again.

And then he would continue to live this half life, not really talking to Jiang Cheng, but existing only.

He hated it.

Compared to what they had before, this was dry, old bread, hard to chew. What they lived before, was a cake, complete with frosting.

No, Huan, man up, he told himself. You are going in there, and you will talk to him. It will be okay.

He took a deep breath. And once again, before entering his home.

Jiang Cheng was sitting forlornly, pushing around an old looking onion.

He brightened considerably upon seeing him at first, but it faded away upon noticing his expression. He sat up straighter.

"We need to talk." XiChen sat down next to him.

"Okay." Jiang Cheng tried to smile, but apprehension got in the way. It looked more like a grimace on his face.

XiChen took his hands, his finger tracing the outline of the ring he had given him. Warm hands tried to give comfort to cold ones, still not used to the chillier temperatures of Gusu.

"I have been a bad husband. I'm sorry." He started saying, but Jiang Cheng had already gasped.

"That's not true at all!"

"Isn't it? You needed me and I couldn't be there for you." XiChen smiled sadly. "Please forgive me. I...I want to fix this. I want to fix us."

"Okay." Jiang Cheng repeated himself. They needed to clear the air so badly, between themselves.

"Please, let me tell you what's been on my mind. Maybe then, you'll understand why I've been keeping myself away from you. But I didn't do it to hurt you, not at all!" His eyes were bright with emotions too strong to contain.

Jiang Cheng nodded. His thumb caressed the knuckles of the warmer hand, seeking comfort.

"When I found out you had used Zidian on your brother, on my Brother in bond, it hurt me terribly. I couldn't believe it. Do you know what Brother Wei said, when I asked him about it?" XiChen stared at him.

Jiang Cheng shook his head, dreading the answer.

"Your brother flexed his arm, and told me he was used to it. Used to it! I've never been so appalled before. And he said it like it was nothing. Can you believe that?"

Jiang Cheng had the good grace to look ashamed.

"He's not hurt. This time. But Wanyin, I couldn't help but make comparisons. You've grown up with so much violence, I fear you may not be affected any more. I'm scared because....because you're talking about having children, and I'm terrified that your lack of control will harm them somehow, and I am not willing to put a child's safety at risk."

There was a stunned silence. That stretched into a long time.

XiChen couldn't bring himself to look at Jiang Cheng.

He knew his words were painful...but it was the truth. And they were out there now, hanging like a wall between them.

It was up to Jiang Cheng now, to scale it if he could.