Queen Bee

October 2002 (2)

After what felt like hours of just sitting on the bathroom floor, tears flowing endlessly, I finally began to pick myself up once again. Looking around at the absolute shit storm of a mess Marshall had created, I inhaled a jagged breath and pulled together any last shred of self-respect that I had. Well, here I go. Being the only adult in this entire household, yet again. Bending forward, I began cleaning up all of the miscellaneous items he had torn through, putting them all back into their correct homes.  

Reaching the five pregnancy tests I had stored away, I decided to keep them. He can be mad all he wants, there ain't a god damn chance I'm getting pregnant right now. I don't even know why he wants another fuckin' kid?! Doesn't he have enough?! Kids aren't a fuckin' collect 'em all system! And it'd be one thing if I felt I had any sort of help from him whatsoever, but I don't! Not when he's away on tour, not when he's busy with an album, not when he's workin' on a movie, never! I never have any sort of fuckin' help from him! Not to mention how much he's flyin' out to L.A. recently to go and work with Dre on Curtis' record. God, it's never ending. I feel like my head is spiralling the harder and harder I think about it.

Once I was done picking up everything, I went back out towards the room where I noticed I had left my cellphone just mindlessly scattered on the bed. Picking it up, I wondered if Marshall maybe had texted me? Probably not. And if he did it was only to tell me to go fuck myself. I don't know what's been getting into him lately, but it feels almost as if the more pills he takes, the more alcohol he drinks, the meaner and meaner he becomes. And I don't remember him ever being like that when I was still living in New York. We would fight, of course, me and Marshall haven't ever been a couple to shy away from a screaming match, but I don't know... It's starting to feel different, somehow. 

Opening my phone, there was zero texts from Marshall. However, there was an unread one. 

From: Zoe

"Marshall's over at Proof's with Denaun. They're trying 2 get him to go home, but he's saying he doesn't want 2."

Scoffing, I rolled my eyes.

To: Zoe. 

"That's fine. Tell him 2 stay there then."

Snapping my phone shut, I headed downstairs to go and clean up the dirty dishes I knew I had left out after storming off not even an hour ago. As I reached the kitchen, I was shocked at the fact that everything was already pretty much clean? Hm. Guess I'm not the only adult after all. Feeling my phone vibrate against my hand, I flipped it open once more, leaning my back against the island. 

From: Zoe

"Angel, come on. It's his birthday!!! I know U want 2 spend it with him b4 we all go 2 L.A. for his party." 

To: Zoe

"He keeps this shit up, I'm not going 2 L.A."

From: Zoe

"This is ur 1st trip since getting off of probation where U can do whatever U want and U don't want to go anymore???"

To: Zoe

"Nope."

From: Zoe

":("

Just as I was about to close my phone once again, another text came flying through.

From: Proof 

"Marshall's gonna stay here 2nite. He's just high. Go easy on him 2morrow, I'm sure he'll feel bad."

With my eyes quickly widening, I felt as my blood immediately began to boil. He can't be fuckin' serious?! He's just high?! That's the excuse?! He's really gonna justify him completely goin' off on me for something as small as pregnancy tests, because I don't wanna get fuckin' pregnant, just because he was high?! I know he was high, but that shouldn't give him a fuckin' pass! Oh my god, he's outta his god damn fuckin' mind! No wonder nobodies taking his constant pill poppin' seriously! It's not a serious thing in their minds! It's just Marshall bein' Marshall as far as they're concerned! And for him to tell me to 'go easy on him'?! Holy fuck, I can't fuckin' do this right now.