Queen Bee

November 2002 (2)

Being back in the studio these last few days has easily been the best fuckin' thing I've felt in so long. Just me, the pen, the pad, and the beat. It was almost like I was unstoppable being in that booth, and I honestly had no idea I had been missing it so fuckin' bad until I got back in there. I had been writing like crazy, and it was almost as if I had never even taken time off from all the inspiration and ideas I had rattling around in my brain. A lot of the material I wrote I knew I couldn't use, considering I only had about thirty seconds, but it really just solidified for me that I needed to get back into the studio as soon as possible. I need to be able to write and record, I mean this is my fuckin' outlet! No wonder I've felt so stressed out for so long. I have nothing that's just for me anymore. Before, when I used to get really stressed out about things with Marshall, or just my life in general, I would always run down to my studio and let it all out. But I haven't been able to do that over this past however long, but I know I need too. I really really need to for my own sanity, or god knows what's gonna happen. 

After we got back home from L.A., I talked to Christina a bit more about what she was lookin' for from me. She only ever sent me the beat, not the song,  but she just said it was essentially about women empowerment and the bizarre double standards women have to deal with when it comes to sex. I thought it was absolutely fuckin' perfect. This is what I've been sayin' for years! This is why my approach to sexuality has always been deemed so 'vulgar' and 'crude' by not just the public, but most people I've come across in my life. Most guys I've ever hooked up with, including Marshall at one point, were all intimidated by me and saw me as a slut. I never understood it, and I've always thought it was bullshit. Why was I never allowed to act the way a man does? It never made any sense to me. So, when Christina told me that was the whole theme of the song, I immediately jumped on it. In my opinion, there's no better way to come back into the studio than for a track that I so whole-heartedly believe in. 

Running through my verse countless times on the mic, I wanted to get it just perfect. I had no idea how long I had been down here, but on my 11th or 12th time of going over it, I had just started again when I noticed Marshall's blonde head pop open the door. As he jerked his chin out slightly to the beat, he went and made himself comfortable on the second rolling chair that was pulled up to the soundboard. Deciding to just ignore him, I continued on since I felt like this could really be the one where I finally perfectly nail it!

"Here's something I just can't understand/If a guy have three girls then he's the man/He can even give her some head, then sex her raw/If a girl do the same, then she's a whore/But the tables 'bout to turn, I bet my fame on it/Cats take my ideas and put they name on it/It's aight though, you can't hold me down/I got to keep on movin'/To all my girls with a man who be tryna mack/Do it right back to him and let that be that/You need to let him know that his game is whack/And Angel and Christina Aguilera got your back."

As soon as I finished, I heard the beat flip off in my headphones and Marshall gestured for me to come out. Exiting the booth, I was met with his wide grin. "Baby! That was so fuckin' dope!" He yelled excitedly. 

Letting a loud laugh matching his excitement roll off of my lips, I plopped myself down beside him. "Ya think so?! Ya like it?!" 

"Hell yeah! I love the way ya switched up the flow with the last four bars, that sounded so fuckin' tight. And the transition I gotta keep on movin' gives? That's dope as fuck, I loved it." 

My laugh melted into a permanent big smile. "Ya think this is the one? Should I stop recordin'?" 

"Absofuckin'lutely this is the one! How many times have ya recorded it?" 

"This is like my 12th take." 

"What?!" He yelled. "Nah, baby, stop right here! That was perfect, I promise ya. The delivery was fuckin' flawless."