Queen Bee

December 2006 (1)

Walking downstairs, my ears were immediately filled with the excruciatingly loud squeals and laughter of all the kids obviously playing together. It's nice, I'm glad they all have so much fun together, but fuck I am not in the mood for this shit. I just woke up from a nap, my head fuckin' kills, and not to mention I'm high as a goddamn kite right now. I feel bad, it's not their fault I feel like this, and honestly at this point, the mood I'm in is kinda just my baseline now. So I should be used to it and able to deal with it. But it's almost like I'm too irritated that I can't deal with it. I don't know. I don't know what the fucks been wrong with me over the past few months, but I guess all I can do is just try to be cautious not to take it out on the kids. Who quite literally ain't doin' nothin' except havin' fun, anyway. 

"Daddy!" Hailie screeched, laying eyes on me about half way down the stairs. Earning my body to visibly cringe, I tried my hardest to not focus on the now worsened headache. 

"Hey, baby." I rasped, successfully making it to the last step just before her and Des bolted towards me. 

"Daddy, Des wants to call Angel!" Hailie yelled in that same, excited tone. 

My brows drew together in a frown as I made my way past them, towards the kitchen. "Why?" 

"'Cause I miss mommy!" Des exclaimed, the two of them following closely on my heels. 

Sighing, I rolled my eyes. "Des, ya can't just call her every time you miss her."

"Why not?" He asked, his voice turning somber. 

"'Cause-" I sighed once more, realizing this is exactly how I've been trying not to act with the kids. "Aight. Hold on." Pulling out my phone, I stopped myself right in the middle of the kitchen as I fished through all my contacts for her name. Finding it, I clicked the call button, bringing the phone up to my ear as I continued on with my search for something to eat. 

"Hello?" Angel mindlessly answered, Des' patient eyes following my every move as I sifted through the cupboards. 

"Yo, you got a minute?" 

"Uh, not too long, I'm workin' right now." 

"You started a new record?" I asked inquisitively. 

"No, no, I just got some features comin' out in March, May, and September that I'm tryna get a head start on so hopefully I can start doin' some of my own shit again." 

"Features? For who? You just released that track with Remy this month." 

"Yeah, I know, this years gon' be fuckin' busy for me. But uh, I'm doin' remixes for Britney and Snoop, then I have a track with Keyshia Cole and Missy comin' out."

"Shit, you do got a lot goin' on." 

"Right? It's nuts right now." She sighed. "So, anyway, you did listen to the one with Remy then, yeah?" 

I nodded. "Yeah, I liked it. It was cool. Ya came for the guy's goddamn neck, though."

She laughed. "Well if you wasn't gonna, then I will!" 

"Yeah, nah, I'm sorry, I just- Have zero interest in rap right now." I trailed off momentarily. "But thanks for doin' that though, means a lot, you havin' my back like that."   

"No, 'course. The only people who's allowed to talk shit 'bout us publicly is each other, okay?" She laughed once more, earning a slight chuckle from me in response. 

"Yeah, yeah, for sure." Trailing off again, I couldn't help but just feel confused as fuck by our relationship. It's like we hate each other, but we love each other enough to not let anyone talk shit? How the fuck does that make sense? Even this entire conversation is weird. We sound so normal. Like just two exes who co-parent. But then, at the drop of a hat, it's like the biggest fight ever between us could just explode at any time. I don't get it. She's fuckin' confusing. We're fuckin' confusing. "Anyway, Des wants to talk to you, says he misses you."