Queen Bee

October 2005 (1)

Pulling up to the club where my thirty-third birthday was being held, I was already completely wasted. After Angel pulled the rug out from under me once again, I tried for a few more weeks to keep up with my sobriety, but one night when I was feeling particularly shitty, I decided to just say fuck it. Angel ain't want me even if I am clean, so what the fucks the point then? All being clean has done for me anyway is just make me face the reality of how depressed I actually fucking am, and if I got a way to suppress it where I ain't have to deal with it, then that's what I'ma do. Obviously, everybody knows I'm back to drinkin' and takin' pills since I'm publicly fucked up right now, but yet none of them have said shit to me about it, which I appreciate. Even Paul. I thought for sure when he realized I was gettin' high again that he'd at least have a disappointed look to give, but nope. Nothin'. And that's why these people are around me, and not Angel. They know to keep they mouths shut about it, which is just somethin' Angel could never fuckin' figure out, so I guess in the end it was her loss, not mine. 

Piling out of the large limo with everybody, I stumbled a few times before quickly finding my balance and throwing my arm around Kim's neck for some extra support. Originally, I was gonna ask Angel if she would come to my birthday party with me, but with that plan being clearly squandered, I decided to ask Kim instead. I don't know why, but I really just felt like I needed a chick there in replacement. I knew if I didn't that'd I'd likely spend all night just being sad and in my head about Angel, so as a way to try and forget about her, I thought having Kim there might be helpful. Not to mention, I'm definitely lookin' to fuck tonight since it is my birthday, and Kim's better than nothin' I guess. 

Making our way inside, we were quickly escorted towards the VIP section considering Paul knew we were all way too fucked up to be out in the main area with everybody else, not to mention I was definitely not in the mood to be talkin' to anybody I ain't wanna. After finding our seats almost directly above the stage where the DJ was, we all made ourselves comfortable with Kim still neatly tucked under my arm. 

Being quick to all reach for the various unopened liquor bottles that were conveniently placed on the table, we began to down them as fast as we could. For the next few hours, we all just continued talking, laughing, and enjoying each others company, until I heard a vaguely familiar song start to blast over the speakers. Listening for a moment as my drunk mind tried its best to process, Proof quickly yelled out, "yo, this is Angel's track!" Realizing it was Thug Luv, a song me and her had done together for her La Bella Mafia album, I figured the DJ likely hadn't thought anything of it since I too was on the track, and he was pretty much only playing mine and D12s shit. But still, I didn't give a fuck if it was mistake or not. 

Immediately feeling as anger began to course throughout my veins, Denaun and Swifty quickly stood up, marching towards the railing of the balcony as they began to yell for the DJ to turn this shit off. Following their lead, the rest of us all bolted from our seats as we too started screaming, yelling, and flailing our hands around for the track to be turned off. "Settle the fuck down, he can't hear you!" Paul yelled angrily at us, trying his best to get us to not cause a scene. 

"Then go tell him to shut that shit off!" I yelled back. 

"By the time I get down there the track'll already be done!" Paul yelled once more. 

"GO!" We all screamed in unison. 

Rolling his eyes, Paul quickly turned himself around and began marching down the stairs, presumably towards the stage. Earning compliance from the rest of us, we all began stepping away from the railing and bringing ourselves back to our booth. As mine and Angel's voices continued to blare through the speakers, I couldn't stop my mind from thinking how good our voices sounded together, how perfectly our verses flowed with one another. Even though we weren't physically together when we recorded the track, you can still hear the chemistry between us, the undeniable energy between us.