Queen Bee

October 2004 (1)

Being back in L.A. for my birthday, I honestly wasn't excited. In fact, I almost despised even being here in the first place. I had still been feeling so depressed about Angel, and the thought of having to spend my birthday without her absolutely fuckin' killed me. Truthfully, all I wanted to do was get high and hold Des. I just wanted to be with the baby me and Angel created together. He's the closest thing I have to her anymore, and while sometimes it fuckin' stings having to look in his eyes and only see Angel staring back at me, at least I still have him. At least I'm still connected to her through him. That was the whole reason I kept wanting to get her pregnant in the first place. I just wanted to see her face in my sons face, and now he's the only thing I have left of her. 

Walking into the club Dre had rented out, I trailed behind Von, Swifty, and Denaun, while Proof and Biz trailed in behind me. As Paul opened the heavy doors for us, we thankfully left behind all the screaming people and flashing cameras that I was definitely not in the mood for tonight. Feeling my phone vibrate deep in my jeans pocket, I began fishing around for it just as we were bombarded by groups and groups of people. Keeping my phone secured in my hand, I said hi to everyone who wished me a happy birthday, but really just trying my hardest to keep the interactions to a minimum. 

After about five minutes, I think Paul could sense my agitation, so instead of just allowing me to be uncomfortable, he began guiding us through the crowd towards where our section was. I felt bad that I didn't wanna talk to anyone, considering all these people did come out for my birthday, but at the end of the day I know most of 'em are just here for the status of it all, not 'cause they actually give a shit about me. Walking towards the VIP, I was finally able to check my phone that had vibrated a few more times in the midst of all the commotion. 

From: Fifty 

"Yo, coming through shortly! See U soon."

From: Kim 

"Have fun 2nite, miss U"

From: Tara Reid

"Heard ur in town for ur birthday! Let me know if U wanna hang out again before U leave ;) xoxox" 

From: Angel 

"Happy birthday :) Sorry we haven't talked much since last month, been trying 2 get in a better headspace about everything. Just wanted 2 say ur the best dad in the world, and I hope U know the love I always have for U-"

"Yo!" I heard a familiar deep voice yell from behind me, earning my attention to be snapped away from my phone just as we had reached the VIP. Whipping around, I saw Fifty's huge silhouette walking through the crowd along with his whole entourage.

"Yo!"I yelled back, a large smile appearing on my face. "I just got ya text man, that was fast!" Laughing as he dapped me up, I shifted my body slightly so I could dap up his crew as well while Fifty all greeted the rest of D12. 

"I sent that shit like an hour ago! You needa get some better cell service, dawg." Fifty laughed. "Where ya'll goin'?"

"Uh, I think we're just headin' into the VIP. I kinda ain't feelin' all the bullshit tonight, y'know?" With a few nods in agreement, we all turned to start making our way into the section once more. 

Just as we had found our spot and everyone was beginning to sit down, I felt a tap on the outside of my shoulder. "Yo, actually, 'fore we sit down and start drinkin', can I talk to ya for a sec?" Fifty asked. 

Drawing my brows into a frown, I nodded. Shuffling our way out from the large group, we went towards the corner of the room where it was far less populated, and much more private. As I leaned against the wall Fifty looked at me with a face of nerves. "Aight, uh- I ain't really know where to start with this, and if I'm bein' honest, I ain't even know if what I'm 'bout to say is true, but I just- Wanna tell ya what I've heard, aight?"