Queen Bee

September 2003 (2)

Speed walking down the long, vertigo-inducing hallway, my neck continually snapped from side to side as I passed the numerous different doors. 343... 344... 345...346...347! Immediately stopping in my tracks, my fingers went directly to the handle as I began jerking it up and down. "Baby, it's me!" I exclaimed, slamming my palm against the heavy metal door a few times. "Baby! Open up!" Knocking a few more times, the door finally swung open revealing the most beautiful fucking woman I've ever seen, dressed in nothing but the completely oversized hotel robe that would have been provided to her when she first checked in. 

Wasting no time with even saying hello, I immediately crashed my body into hers, wrapping my arms securely around her ribs as I forcefully picked her up and ran us back inside, allowing the door to slam shut on its own. Obviously surprised, she let out a yelp as her hands quickly grabbed on to the back of my neck in attempt to gain some sort of balance. "I missed you so fuckin' much, don't ever do that to me again." With my voice sounding harsh, I firmly sat her down on the closest surface I could find, being the small kitchen table as I pulled my arms away from her, but only to immediately bring them up towards her face. "I'm serious, Angel. I love you too fuckin' much." I said, pressing my forehead against hers. 

She nodded gently, her voice turning quiet. "And how'd ya handle it?"  

"I didn't fuckin' handle it!" I exclaimed, pulling my face away from hers. "I was a wreck every mothafuckin' day! I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I was worried 'bout you fuckin' constantly!"

"What'd ya do with the kids?" 

"I had to stay home with 'em! There was no way in fuck I could work! It was easier when Hai and Lainey went to school, but still I ain't have anyone to watch Des or Stevie, it was fuckin' brutal, Angel." 

She nodded again. "Yeah, it is brutal. I'm sorry ya had to deal with that all alone. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you and support you as a spouse should." 

Pausing for a moment, I thought about what she was saying. "Nah..." Slowly, I began to pull away from her completely. "Nah, don't act like this is the same fuckin' thing and you was tryna teach me a lesson- I thought you was a missin' fuckin' person!"

"Mhm, and you act like a missin' person a lot of the time, Marshall." 

"I ain't even know where the fuck you were, Angel! You coulda been dead or alive and I wouldn't have known!" 

"Yeah, and that panic that ya felt all week, Marshall, that's what I've felt every goddamn day for the last two years when I ain't got no clue where the fuck you're at!"

"What the fuck do ya mean?! You always know where I'm at!" 

"Not when you're tourin'! Not when you're out 'til two in the fuckin' mornin' and comin' home drunk as fuck!"

"I'm at the fuckin' studio!" 

"Are ya at the studio?! 'Cause ya tell me you are but I ain't know that for sure!" 

"So, what?! You accusin' me of fuckin' other bitches now?!" 

"No, Marshall!" She yelled. "All I'm sayin' is I get worried 'bout you! The same way you got worried 'bout me this week, that's how I always feel! And especially when you take those fuckin' pills, I feel like I'm just waitin' for ya to overdose one day!" 

"Oh my god, Angel, I'm fuckin' fine! Please just leave it alone for once in ya goddamn life! If I needed rehab, I would go! I don't! And I know I don't 'cause the pills ain't done nothin' to negatively affect me or anybody 'round me!" 

"What about me?!" 

"Nah, Angel! Ya just makin' up shit that affects you!" 

"Yeah?! Am I just makin' up the fact that me and you have gone so fuckin' downhill ever since ya started takin' 'em?!"