Queen Bee

May 2003 (2)

It's been about a week since I left for Chiba, which also means it's been about week since mine and Angel's huge fight. I'm flying back to Detroit tonight, and I'd be lying if I said I haven't thought about just not going home. It's not that I don't wanna see the kids, 'course I do. They're the only reason I am going home. But that fight with Angel... It hurt me in ways I can't even describe. It feels like she tore my heart out right from my chest and shattered it like glass. It's painful, and honestly I haven't felt like myself this entire trip. The amount of times I've cried alone in my room over this last week, I can't even count on both hands. It's been exhausting. And sad. And the only way I've been able to deal with it is just by taking as many pills as I essentially fuckin' can. It's kinda ironic, actually. Angel's always mad 'bout me gettin' high, yet she's the main reason for why I am. I don't know how she doesn't get that. 

But yet, after an entire week of crying and refusing to talk to her outside of the kids, I need her. The thought of us breaking up hurts me more than anything she could ever fuckin' do. The love I have for that girl is deep, and undeniable. I need her to fuckin' breathe. If I didn't, I wouldn't have tried so hard to get her back the first time. She's my fuckin' world. I just wanna be hers. 

Pulling up to the house after a damn near two fuckin' day flight, I felt both at peace, and anxious as fuck. The house has always been my safe place, especially after being away on tour, coming home to a house full of kids who are excited to see you, it's the best feeling in the world. But coming home to a wife who could potentially be wanting to leave you, its fuckin' horrifying. I know what I wanna say when I go in there, but I have no idea what she wants to say, and that's the scary part. 

"Do you need help to the door, Mr. Mathers?" Shawn, my driver asked as he took my luggage from out of the trunk. 

I shook my head, grabbing the large suitcase from him. "Nah. Thanks though." 

"No problem." He smiled warmly. "I'll see you in about two weeks to pick you up for your flight to Germany then." 

Fuck. Don't remind me. "Dope, thanks." Making my way towards the door, I noticed as the porch light was left on for me. That's gotta be a good sign, right? Taking out my keys, I gently pushed them into the lock and turned them to the right. As the door swung open and I stepped inside, I could hear Angel quietly talking to someone, I assume over the phone considering how late it is. 

"Oh shit, Ai, I gotta go! Love you!" She whispered seemingly in a panic as I shut the door. 

Rolling my suitcase across the cold tile, I made my way deeper into the hallway. Just as I was about to turn the corner, I was immediately met with Angel. Coming face to face, she stopped dead in her tracks as a high pitched inhale, almost like a small yelp left her lips. 

Staring at each other, it felt as if neither of us knew what to say. Deciding to take the first leap, my lips parted. "Yo." I rasped.

"I missed you." She said at the exact same time. 

Thinning my lips, I anxiously chewed at the dry piece of skin that was beginning to lift. "I missed you too." 

As another period of silence fell upon us, I noticed how fuckin' beautiful she looked. I wonder if she purposefully put more effort in for me? "I'm sorry the kids ain't up. They tried, but they all started fallin' asleep-" Cutting her off, I crashed my lips into hers as I firmly gripped the sides of her face, pulling her closer towards me. 

Obviously feeling incredibly caught off guard, she seemed confused as to if she should kiss me back or not. But after only a few seconds, her lips morphed perfectly against mine as her arms were quick to throw themselves around my neck. Thirty seconds later, I pulled away but only so much that I could talk. "I love you, but if ya ever fuckin' do that to me again, I ain't comin' back." I breathed as her nervous eyes met my stern ones. Immediately, she nodded lightly but frantically.