Queen Bee

October 2008 (1)

It was my thirty-sixth birthday today, and truly, it was nothing short of amazing. Angel had baked me a whole entire cake from scratch, the kids all got me the sweetest, most meaningful presents I think they could have possibly gotten their hands on, and we even had Denaun and Zoe over. 

Ever since the drugs had started getting really, really bad, I kinda just stopped hanging out with any and all of my friends. I was too depressed, I had no interest in being around anyone that wasn't the kids. And then after I overdosed and had been trying to get clean, I still was too nervous to hang around them 'cause what if they wanted to drink? What if they wanted to get high? Would I be strong enough to say no? I've just been too scared to ever take that chance. 

But Angel being Angel, she finally convinced me to invite them over for my birthday. It didn't have to be all of them, she said. Just Denaun. I thought that was fair, and relatively safe. It's not that I think any of them would ever explicitly pressure me to drink or get high, but just the fact of being around it scared me. But Angel was right, realistically, would Denaun wanna drink or get high with just me and him? Probably not. And he didn't. He never said two words about it, which I was thankful as fuck for, and really helped start to put at least some of my worries to bed. If Denaun can respect my sobriety, I'm sure the rest of them can too. But the question is... Will they want too? 

I mean, I'm sure they'll want to, but I sorta just feel like now, at this very moment, we're all starting to just kinda go our own routes. We have different goals in life. Different values. Different morals. Sobriety is a big part of me now, and I need people around me who understand that, and who get it. Angel isn't technically sober, but she's sure as hell calmed down a lot since back in the day when we used to do any and all drugs together, drink as much liquor as we could until the sun came up. But the boys just kinda... Haven't. They're still in that party mindset, and I'm just not anymore. Well, not if I wanna stay alive, that is. 

And while I'm glad I'm not in that place anymore, it's a sad reality to realize that you're growing apart from your absolute best friends in the entire world. The people you grew up with. The people who were always there for you when no one else was. The people who saw you at your absolute lowest point, and still gave you nothing but love. That was them. Fuck, that's still them. I think to a certain degree they'll always be my best friends... It's just unfortunate that we can't maintain that same friendship anymore. It sucks. And it hurts. But if my sobriety and my family are my number one priorities, it's just what has to happen, I guess-

"Hey." Angel's soft, raspy voice danced through my eardrums, her fingers weaving themselves through the top of my hair as my attention was quick to be brought to her and away from my mile a minute thoughts. "Whatcha thinkin' 'bout, birthday boy?" 

Shaking my head, I wrapped my arm tighter around her waist, forcing her to be drawn in even closer to me as we laid on the comfortable couch together. "Nothin'." I mumbled. 

Offering me a gentle smile, she intertwined our fingers. "Then watch the movie." She whispered, cocking her chin up ever so sightly before melting her feathery lips against mine. Pulling away, she only made it a few inches until our eyes briefly met, the tension earning us yet another soft kiss. 

Attempting to pull away from me once more, this time I refused. Gently but swiftly, my hand cupped her cheek, forcing her lips to remain on mine. Earning a small smile, she didn't fight me. Instead, our lips just continued to move in perfect, but soft, synchronization. 

After a few more moments of the elongated kisses, slowly, I began working my tongue into the mix. Keeping it as gentle as I possibly could, Angel greedily accepted, sliding hers over mine with immense ease. 

Beginning to feel my dick start to gradually rise, I needed her to know what was happening. I needed her to know I was ready. Gently allowing my hand to travel from her face, down to her side, I reached her thigh. Slowly dragging it over top of me, I pushed my crotch against hers.