Queen Bee

September 2009 (1)

Hovering my fingers over the square mousepad of my laptop, my eyes scanned down files and files and files of tracks I had recorded over the last few months as Angel sat patiently beside me, comfortably resting her body against the chair while she waited for further instructions. "Aight, I have six I want ya to listen to, 'cause I for sure want them on the record, but they still feel like they're missin' somethin'." 

"Mmk." She nodded, her eyes visibly glazing over as she watched the continuously scrolling screen. After another five minutes, I heard her start to move from her slumped position to a more straightened one. "Can I help you? This is painful to watch." 

I laughed. "Fuck you! This new program's hard!" 

"I know, baby, I know." Patting my shoulder, I allowed as she reached over and began putting her fingers to work. "Going Through Changes? This is the one you want?" 

"Yeah, how the hell'd you find it?!" 

Turning her head towards me, an empathetic smile pulled at her lips. "You just gotta search it." 

Rolling my eyes, I shooed her hand out of the way. "I did that!" Earning a laugh, I quickly pressed play on the track and the entire studio became filled with the familiar voice of Ozzy Osborne. 

Going Through Changes

As the track played, I watched as the beat earned little head nods from Angel and her features started to have a rather emotional look to them. I wondered if maybe I shouldn't be shown her this shit at all? Maybe it's too hard for her to listen to? She didn't seem like she was close to crying, but still I noticed as her body tensed whenever I talked about the feeling of wanting to die, or the kids. 

Just as we reached the last bit of the third verse, I figured that was enough. Reaching towards the laptop to turn it off, she quickly snatched my hand away. 

"I'll just take a couple more, yeah, you're motherfuckin' right/I ain't slowin' down for no one, I am almost homeward bound/Almost in a coma, yeah homie, come on, dole 'em out!/(Marshall), don't you die on me! (Marshall), better hold your ground!/Fuck, don't I know the sound of that voice?/Yeah, baby, hold me down."

Snapping her head towards me, I could tell she recognized that it was her voice saying my name from a random recording I had sitting around. "Is it okay?" I asked, barely audible thanks to the loud music still playing in the background. 

"Yeah." She nodded, still with an incredibly emotional look taking over her features. "I love it." 

Love the Way You Lie

As the second track started, I could tell that she could tell this one was about her right from the beginning. I'm sure she figured I was bound to record something like this eventually, she knows me too well, I just really fuckin' hope this ain't the one to make her cry. 

Impressively, she sat relatively comfortable throughout the entirety of the track until the final verse played. 

"Now, I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean/Then we fall back into the same patterns, same routine/But your temper's just as bad as mine is, you're the same as me/When it comes to love you're just as blinded/Baby, please come back/It wasn't you, baby, it was me/Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems/Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano/All I know is I love you too much to walk away though/Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk/Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?/Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball/Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall/Next time? there wont be no next time!/I apologize, even though I know it's lies/I'm tired of the games, I just want her back, I know I'm a liar/If she ever tries to fuckin' leave again/I'ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire."