Queen Bee

March 2008 (2)

Clicking the speaker button on the soundboard, I leaned my head towards the small mic. "Aight, you ready?" 

"Yeah!" Angel replied back, her voice crackling through the surround sound as she stood tall and confident within the recording booth. Both shooting each other a thumbs up, I hit play on the beat, quickly filling the entire room with the extremely trap-influenced sound. Watching as she waited for the correct count, her incredibly soft looking lips inhaled a deep breath.

"Oh, you want a freaky girl? Welcome to Angel's world/You ain't gon' wanna leave, just like a kid at Disney World/My deep throat have you squirtin' like a water gun/Coochie overflowin' like somebody let the faucet run/Bust one nut, I ain't done, I got more to come/Friends? Tell 'em all to come/We gon' have some orgy fun/Chew on me like some bubble gum/Might lick you like a lollipop once you taste my honey bun/It's our lil' secret, just like my underwear/You know pain is pleasure, can you make me shed a tear?/Smack my ass, grab my neck, got 'em cummin' everywhere/I'm a freak so I don't care, just don't get none in my hair/Now he callin' me wifey, and he wanna introduce me/Takin' me on shopping sprees, he wanna buy me Gucci/Zoom like Boosie on the back of his Suzuki, and I ain't even sex 'em/All I did was let him eat my coochie!"

Pausing the beat, I tried my hardest to fight off the natural possessive instinct that wanted so badly to explode from within me. Even though we had already ran through her verse three or four times thus far, it definitely didn't sting any less. Definitely shoulda thought about what kinda verse it might be before I begged her to let me help work on it, I guess. "How'd that one sound?" Angel's voice crackled through the speaker once more. 

"Mhm." I nodded, clearing my throat of the bitterness. "It was good." 

Smiling, she tore away the headphones, placing them gently onto the stand as she exited the booth. "Really? You think that one's the one?" She asked, pulling up a chair beside me. 

"Yeah, the delivery was solid, I really liked it." 

Watching as another excited smile crept onto her lips, I couldn't help but reciprocate. It's not my favourite verse in the world, but that is my most favourite smile. "Lemme listen, lemme listen!" She squealed, repeatedly hitting my shoulder in an attempt to get me to play it back faster. 

Laughing, I clicked play on the recording and she finally settled down. Immediately beginning to bob her head, I could tell she really loved it. Watching her stare off into space as she always does when she's concentrating, she just looked so fuckin' beautiful. Gorgeous. Sexy. Whatever positive adjective you wanna use, that's what she looked like. Goddamn it, I want her back so badly, and yet, I have no idea where the fuck we stand. Are we friends? Are we flirting? Does she want me like I want her? Why hasn't she fuckin' said anything? 

Maybe she just doesn't wanna get back together... But then why the fuck is she still here? Why the hell did she come back? We sleep in separate beds, use separate bathrooms, but I swear there's flirting. I'm sure of it. So sure of it that I even asked Elton about relationships and sobriety. He said it's a no go. Both relationships, and sex. I guess it could be a potential relapse factor, I get that, but then he said if I thought there was a risk of us fucking that Angel shouldn't be stayin' with me. Kick her out?! Angel?! I swear, I love that dude, but he's off his damn rocker sometimes. 

It doesn't even matter anyway though, since clearly there is no risk of us fucking at all. Me and Angel? Under the same roof for months on end? Nah. If we were gonna fuck, it would have already happened by now, I know that. Not to mention, when I casually brought up what Elton had told me to her just to test the waters and gauge her reaction, she gave me no reaction! All she said was "okay." Okay?! What the fuck is going on?! I want her! Why doesn't she want me?! Especially now, where I feel like we're finally in a good enough place to even be having that conversation, still! Nothing!

But you know what? The more I think about it, the more I come to realize it's probably a good thing nothing's happened between us. I want her, yeah. But physically? I know I'm not ready for her. There's no way in fuck I'd ever let her see me naked lookin' like this. Not while she's still got the body of a goddamn twenty-year-old. And, not to mention, I haven't even had sex sober in literal years. Angel was probably the last person I did fuck sober, and that makes me really nervous even thinking about it. I have no idea how to have sex when I'm not high! What if she thinks I'm fat, and was a better fuck on drugs? That would absolutely fuckin' destroy me, so no. Elton's right. Sex and relationships definitely have to be off the table, but still... What the hell is she doin' here then? 

Being so caught up with my own thoughts, I didn't even notice the verse had completely come to an end and we were now sitting in an entirely silent room as Angel clacked away on her laptop. "Oh fuck." She muttered, pulling me straight from my trance as my attention was moved back to her. 

"What?" I asked, turning my head towards her as she read something off of her computer. 

"Des' principle emailed me." She muttered again, keeping her eyes glued to the screen for a moment before looking back towards me. "They're pissed he's been outta school for so long again." 

I scoffed. "Tell 'em to fuck off. We're doin' shit with him here, and his families more important." 

"Marshall, I can't fight with 'em, they could kick him outta school." 

"Yeah? I'd like to see 'em try and kick my son outta school. Fuckin' nosey pricks." 

Rolling her eyes at me, she looked back towards the screen. "They're askin' when he's gonna be back. What should I say?" 

"Tell 'em he'll be back when he's back." 

"Marshall-" 

I groaned deeply, quickly cutting her off. "Aight, well when do you wanna go back?" 

She shrugged. "I- I don't know, I kinda wanted to stay until you're off your meds." Looking back towards me, her nervous eyes met mine. "Celebrate the official sobriety date with you." 

A small smile pulled at my lips as our eyes remained locked. "Really?"

"Yeah." She nodded back with the same smile I had offered.

Continuing to smile at her for a moment, I allowed it to melt away as I thought about what we could do. "Aight, well, how 'bout you tell 'em he'll be back for May and June, then next year everything's gonna go back to normal so they can stop bitchin' you out over a kindergartener missin' nap time." 

Laughing, her hand lightly shoved itself against my shoulder. "I ain't sayin' that." 

"Oh no, is Angel scared of the big bad elementary school principle?" I jokingly mocked. 

Continuing to howl with laughter, she quickly shot me her small middle finger. "Yeah! I am actually! Especially when this bitch has a say over whether my kid goes to school next year or not!"

"Nah, if she for real tries to pull that shit with you, tell her to call me. I'll deal with her." 

Rolling her eyes, she smiled. "I know, you're so tough." Her tone turned sarcastic. 

I nodded firmly. "Tough when it comes to you. Tough when it comes to my kids, yeah." 

Smiling once more, she left a gentle palm on my chest. "Very protective." 

"Over you." I stated. 

Pushing a small rush of air through her nose, it reminded me something of a tiny giggle. "Okay, I'm gonna reply and tell 'em he'll be back for May." 

"Dope." I nodded. "Oh, yo, what'd you think of the verse? You like it or ya wanna change it?" 

"No." She shook her head. "I liked it. You think it's good enough?" 

"For a fuckin' Gucci Mane song? Yeah, Angel. Ya the only one with talent on it anyway." 

She laughed once more as her fingers began flying across the keyboard. "Okay, just shut up and send it to him."