Queen Bee

November 2007 (1)

Stumbling through the doorway of my house, some random blonde chick I had picked up at the club latched onto my bicep in attempt to help steady herself. Continuing to try to shove my key into the lock, my heavy lidded eyes kept causing me to miss it. 

"You have to put the key in." The blonde chick slurred, an extremely drunk sounding laugh rolling from her lips. 

"Yeah, I fuckin' know that, bitch." I slurred back, roughly jerking my arm around so she would finally get the fuck off me. Successfully, I untangled her from me, causing her to stumble a few times before her shoulder hit the side of the house. 

"Hey, that was mean." The girl whined, just as I finally was able to fit the piece of small metal directly into the slot. Turning the key, I felt a click and I was fast to swing the heavy wooden door open. 

"Come on." I motioned with my head, allowing myself to step in first as she peeled herself from the brick siding. Taking my jacket off, the girl finally made her way inside, slinging her arms around neck as she closed her eyes, attempting to bring her lips towards to mine. "Nah, don't fuckin' kiss me." I muttered, jerking my head towards the side as I pulled myself once again from out of her clutches. If there's one thing Angel has taught me, it's not to kiss people you don't wanna get attached to. And I sure as shit don't wanna be attached to this broad. Or any broad, for that matter. Not even Angel at this point, but yet, here we are. "Lets go over here." Grabbing her wrist, we trailed our way towards the living room, parking ourselves directly behind the couch as the chick continued to mutter drunkly. "Bend over." I demanded, releasing her wrist. 

"You ain't got a bed?" She slurred. 

"Not for you." Motioning with my hand once more, she shrugged, lifting up her short miniskirt as she lowered herself down over the back of the couch. 

Lazily I lowered my sweatpants and boxers, grabbing ahold of my rather soft dick. Figuring it'd be fine, I quickly spat into my hand, rubbing the saliva up and down my length for a few short moments before I gripped the waist of the chick. Attempting to start to bury myself inside of her, I just couldn't seem to get it for some reason. "Where the fuck is your hole?" I slurred annoyed. 

"It's right here." She slurred back, reaching around herself as she grabbed my dick in attempt to guide it inside of her. "Well your dick's too soft. That's why you can't get it." She stated. 

"Nah it fuckin' ain't. Your pussy's too loose, I can't fuckin' feel anything." I replied back harshly, continuing to try and insert myself into her. 

"You're not even in!" She yelled annoyed. 

"Aight, y'know what? Fuck you." Releasing her waist, I stumbled back a few steps as I pulled my sweats up. "Get outta my house." 

Cranking her head towards me, she scoffed as she began to peel herself from the couch. "Whatever." Yanking her skirt down, she shoved her way past me back towards the door. "Enjoy your limp dick." 

"It ain't fuckin' limp!" I yelled back, earning a sarcastic laugh as I listened to the door swing open and slam shut. "Stupid bitch." I muttered to myself, turning around as I began to make my way upstairs. 

Tripping over a few steps, I stuffed my hand deep into my pockets, searching for those new pills I had been given to try a little bit ago. I didn't know much about them, I was told they're called Methadone. But hey, it looks like all the other ones I take, I'm sure it's the same shit. Pouring four of them into my hand, I figured that'd be enough before I went to sleep, considering how belligerently fucked up I already was. 

Chucking them into the back of my throat, I hit the final step, recapping the pills before placing them on my nightstand as I entered my bedroom. Stumbling a few steps towards my mattress, I pulled my phone out from my other pocket, squinting my eyes as I tried my best to focus on the tiny screen. Scrolling down the lists of alphabetized names, I quickly hit Angel's. 

With zero reluctance, I my thumb smashed the talk button. Prior to this moment, I hadn't thought once about calling Angel. I don't know why all of a sudden I feel a need to. But I do know I feel angry, and drunk, and high, and lonely. And if there's one person I can always take it out on, it's Angel. 

Plopping myself down onto the bed, still completely dressed in my clothes, I listened as the ringing quickly stopped. "Hello?" She answered obviously confused, but it didn't seem as if I had woken her up. Why the fuck is she up so late? 

"Y'know what I think your problem is? You ain't had dick in awhile. That's why you're a fuckin' lesbian." I harshly slurred. 

"What?!" She exclaimed. "Fuck you, Marshall, you're drunk. Go the fuck to bed." 

"Nah, 'cause I just tried to fuck a chick, but my dick wouldn't get hard 'cause you're a fuckin' lesbian!" 

"What the fuck does your soft dick problems have to do with me?! It's 'cause you're all fucked up on drugs!"

"Nah it ain't! It's 'cause bein' with me turned you into a fuckin' lesbian, now every chick I fuck I'm worried they're gon' turn out like fuckin' you!" 

"I don't know how many times I have to tell you this, but me bein' with Alicia has nothin' to fuckin' do with you! What the hell is wrong with you right now?! When you called to say happy birthday to Des like six hours ago, you were fine! What the fuck is going on?!"

"Yeah, I was fine 'till I talked to you and ya made me feel like fuckin' shit!" 

"HOW?!" She screeched. "I said like four words to you!" 

"Nah, it ain't matter! It ain't matter what you fuckin' said, it's the fact that every time I talk to you, all I can think 'bout is you fuckin' a bitch!" 

"That's your own problem, Marshall! That ain't got nothin' to do with me!"

"Nah, it does got somethin' to do with you 'cause you lied to me! You lied to the entire fuckin' world havin' us all believin' you were into dick!" 

"I AM into dick! I never lied about anything! Everything between us was real, Marshall! And if all it takes is me fucking a girl for you to question that, then it's a good thing we ain't together anymore!" 

"Yeah it is a fuckin' good thing since you prefer chicks over me!" 

"I prefer anybody over you!" She screamed. "You hurt me! You crushed me! You destroyed my self-worth! You destroyed my ability to love! You destroyed my ability to be loved! Which is actually ironic as fuck considering you were the one who taught me how to do that in the first fuckin' place! But still you destroyed it! You destroyed every. Single. Aspect. Of me, Marshall, I don't know how many more times I have to explain that to you. You were my downfall, you were always my downfall, but now I've found someone who builds me up. Who cares for me, who doesn't get high and calls me just to tear a strip off me like you're doin' right now!" She paused briefly. "I know you still love me, Marshall, I know that. And I still love you. And I'm sorry you're clearly havin' a hard time with me bein' with Alicia... But I'm happy. Please just let me be happy. I'm begging you." 

Pausing, I allowed my intoxicated mind to wander. "Well, I ain't think you deserve to be happy." I slurred. "Not after what you've done to me." 

"What I've done to you?!" She screeched. 

"Yeah! What you've done to me! You ain't innocent in all this either, Angel! You've fucked up just as much as me-" 

"I ain't never forced those drugs down your throat, Marshall!" 

"Nah, but you may as well have! That's why I am the way I am! It's 'cause of you! So when you're sittin' there, all pissed off 'cause I take too many drugs, or whatever the fuck you think, just remember it was 'cause of you-"

"I'm not pissed off 'bout it, Marshall, I've come to terms with it-" 

"And if I ever fuckin' OD, Angel..." My voice turned low, and stern. "Just remember... It was always 'cause of you." Listening as she scoffed, I opened my mouth once more, but just as my vocal cords were about to vibrate with some more sadistic words, the line went dead. Yup. That's what I fuckin' thought, bitch.