Queen Bee

July 2007 (1)

Heading into Mister Cee's studio hand in hand with Alicia, I felt excited. I felt energized, I felt a renewed sense of creativity and inspiration. I don't know whats gotten into me, but working with him and DJ Whoo Kid has been just such an amazing experience. They really let me do whatever the fuck I feel like, there's no expectations, and just all around it's been so much fun. Which has actually been a really helpful distraction from the fact that I was still dying to have Alicia move in, and she was as well... But I should have known Marshall would never allow it. I honestly don't even know why I asked. Now I just outed myself to him, for essentially no goddamn reason, just to be told no and that I'm d*ke bitch, or whatever the fuck he said. Alicia keeps telling me that we'll work on it with him, and that eventually he'll come around, but I really just don't see that happening. I know Marshall, I know how vindictive he is, how mean he is, if he's unhappy, then everyone else has to be as well. And I really don't see that changing anytime in the near future, but who knows? Maybe we'll get lucky one day, but honestly, a part of me just wants to move her in without telling him. 

But, of course, I realize I could never do that. The minute Des goes to Marshall's, it'll be the first thing outta his mouth. He loves Alicia, he'd be so excited to have her living with us, so I know it would just come out without him even trying. And as soon as it does, I'll wake up the next morning to a lawyer tryna take my kid away from me, so the risk really just isn't worth it, which is shitty. But what can I do? I chose to have a kid with an asshole, so this is my consequence I suppose. 

Swinging the door open to the correct room, I allowed as Alicia walked in first. "Yoo!" Whoo Kid loudly yelled, clearly happy to see us. "Thought you was never gonna make it!" He joked. 

Laughing, I closed the door behind me. "We're like fifteen minutes late, please."

"Time is money, baby girl. Go throw them headphones on, I got that beat ready for those verses you had yesterday." Mister Cee casually stated.  

Nodding, I set my purse down on the chair as Alicia made herself comfortable beside Cee. "Yo! I wanted to ask ya, did you see the interview that chick from Queens did?" Whoo Kidd quickly piped up. 

"That lil' Minaj girl?" He nodded. "No, I didn't. Why?" 

Quickly turning himself towards his laptop, his fingers went flying over the keyboard. "She went on, uh- Angie Martinez's radio show 'cause her mixtape just dropped, right?" I nodded. "And Angie was askin' her 'bout what you had said in regards to her promo pics." 

"What I had said?" My brows furrowed as my fingers lightly touched my chest. "I ain't even say nothin', all I said was that I thought she was bein' a lil' catty by copyin' me and denyin' it." 

"Yeah, well anyway, here's what she said." Pulling up a video, I walked towards his chair, crouching down beside him as he hit play half way through the video. 

"She picked a fight with her own man, then she picked a fight with Fifty, then she picked a fight with D12, then it was Game, then it was Nicki Minaj. Every time you're in the news, it's 'cause you're gettin' at somebody! Where's your music? Put your music out, then I'll respond to you. Other than that, goodbye. It's Barbie, bitch." 

Hitting pause on the video, my brows immediately flung upwards towards my hairline. "Put my music out?! This bitch just put out her first mixtape!" I yelled. "Nah, 'cause she can talk to me when she actually puts out a fuckin' album and doesn't right out the gate start gettin' compared to me, how 'bout that, huh?" 

"Baby, just relax-" Alicia attempted to soothe. 

"And she's talkin' 'bout I picked a fight with all those people?! Bitch, all those people picked a fight with me! They started it! I was just respondin' to everyone who was comin' at me!"

"Angel-" Alicia tried once more. 

"I haven't dropped anything 'cause I've been too fuckin' busy takin' care of Marshall! I've had no fuckin' time! I ain't have time when we were together and was essentially his lil' fuckin' housewife prisoner, and then I ain't have any time when Proof died! Like who the fuck does this bitch think she is?! I know she's like fuckin' twenty-five with zero responsibilities in life, but this is the real fuckin' world, baby girl. Grown women got grown responsibilities, I'd like to see her do half the shit I do with a son and a drug fiend for a baby daddy!"

"Okay." Alicia stated, gently standing up from her chair as she noticed me getting more and more angry with the longer I ranted. "We're gonna take a walk, we'll be back." Offering a warm smile to Cee and Whoo Kid, she placed a soft hold on my arm as she began leading me out of the studio. Feeling far too angry to even attempt to object, I just followed closely on her heel. 

"Aight, don't take too long, though!" Cee yelled. 

"You want her recordin' a diss track or the track you needed her to get done today?" Alicia quickly snapped, earning blank stares from both of them, and I couldn't help the slight sense of shock I felt. I ain't ever seen her snap at anybody, she's always far too polite for that. But I'm not gonna lie, having her stand up for me like that is kinda hot. "That's what I thought." Shooting them a passive aggressive smile, we continued our way through the door, closing it behind us as we trailed down the hallway. 

"Alicia, I'm fine." I whined. 

"No you're not." She stated, stopping in her tracks as she turned to me. "Angel, you can't go after this girl-" 

"Why not?!" I yelled. 

"I know you wanna, okay? I get it, but you told me you ain't wanna do that shit anymore. You're tired of diss tracks, you're tired of fighting with people, you said you just wanna make music, remember?" Rolling my eyes, I nodded. "So, baby, just make music. Ignore this shit. It's not worth your time, and especially not for some chick who's so underground that she's just releasing her very first mixtape." Sighing, I crossed my arms. "She's just tryna get a rise outta you, okay? She knows that'll get people talkin' about her. Someone's probably in her ear tellin' her to come after you so her shit will sell better. Don't let her manipulate you like that." 

"Alicia, you don't understand hip hop, it's a completely different game than pop music is." 

"No, Angel, I do get it. I do. She's disrespectin' you, she's talkin' shit she knows nothing about, and she's tryna steal what the fuck you've already done, but it doesn't matter. At the end of the day, you're Angel. She's just some chick underground that nobody knows about. It's not worth the fight, it really isn't." 

Sighing, I loosened the grip on my arms. "You really ain't think so?" 

"No." She shook her head. "You're doin' so well right now, don't let this girl be a step back in what you're tryna rebuild."

Rolling my eyes, I released another deep sigh. "Fine. But if I hear her say some shit again, it's over." 

As a gentle smile washed over her face, a soft giggle left her lips. "I know, baby, I know." Grasping my cheeks between her palms, she placed a gentle kiss onto my mouth. "That's why I love you. You never hesitate to stand up for yourself or the ones you love, but this time, I just think you needa fall back for a lil'."

Nodding, she grabbed my hand as we made our way back towards the studio. "Yeah, you're right. I'd just be makin' a bigger deal outta it than I have to." 

"Exactly, baby. So just go in there, record what you gotta record, and try not to think about it." 

Sighing once more, Alicia reached for the door allowing me back inside. "Yeah, I'll try."