Queen Bee

June 2003 (2)

It had been about a week since Marshall left for Europe, and I was still battling with the thoughts of him being an addict every fuckin' hour of every fuckin' day. I hadn't brought it up to him yet 'cause I felt like it shouldn't be somethin' we talk about over the phone, and also too... I was really fuckin' nervous. I was still tryna come to terms with the fact that yeah, I do think he's an addict, and I know as soon as those words leave my mouth, all hell is gonna break loose with him. I can't even comprehend the fight that's gonna come from it, but I know it's gonna be absolutely fuckin' horrific. 

I don't even know what I'm gonna say! Am I gonna ask him to go to rehab? What if he says no? Do I stay with him? I mean I love him, of course I wanna stay with him... But what about Des? And I can't even help the other kids, they're not legally mine! The only person who could is Kim, and I highly fuckin' doubt she'd do anything. So at the end of the day, Des is the one I have to keep in mind, and the last thing I want is for him to have to grow up with an addict as a parent... But I also need to fight for Marshall. He deserves that from me as his wife. And I know for a fact if the roles were reversed, he would do the exact same. He would never just leave me. He couldn't. And I could never do that to him. 

So, if says no the first time, that's okay. I'll keep trying. I'll keep trying 'til the wheels fall off 'cause that's my man. That's the absolute love of my fuckin' life, through and through. And I refuse to go down without a fight. So as long as I'm strong enough to handle it, I'm gonna fuckin' handle it. As long as I live I'm never gonna give up on him, and I'll put that shit on Des, any day of the goddamn week. 

"Girls, ya ready? I think your mom's here!" I yelled into the abyss, hoping at least one of them would hear me from upstairs as the obnoxiously loud door bell ring began to fade. God, we really needa get a new one. 

"Coming!" Lainey yelled back as I began to make my way to the door. 

"Don't forget to bring Stevie's bag down!" I yelled once more, realizing Hai and Lainey's stuff was all piled at the door, but not Stevie's.

Reaching for the handle, I quickly flipped the lock before swinging the door wide open, revealing Kim's bleach blonde hair and her familiar deadpanned glare. "Hey, sorry they'll be down in a sec. They're just grabbin' Stevie's stuff."

"Why didn't you pack it for her?" She quickly spat. 

My facial features immediately hardened. "I did. I forgot to bring it downstairs." 

She smacked her lips together as she quickly raised her brows. "Mm. Where's Marshall? Why ain't he bringin' it?" 

"Marshall's away right now until the end of the month." 

"He didn't tell me that? Where is he?" 

"Europe." 

"Oh, he's tourin'." 

"Mhm." I nodded. 

"So you're lookin' after all the kids alone again?" She asked again, this time a smidge nicer. 

"Yup." 

"Shit. Well I'm glad he finally found someone who's willin' to be his lil' housewife for him." 

"I'm not a housewife." I quickly stated. 

"Right." Her voice turned sarcastic as a small smile tugged at the corners of her lips. Fuck, I wish I could just knock this bitch out. 

As my lips parted, getting ready to essentially tell her to go fuck herself, little footsteps barrelling down the stairs paired with infectious laughter could be heard, forcing me to immediately bite my tongue. "Mommy!" Hailie squealed as her and her two sisters finished the last step, Lainey cautiously holding Stevie's hand as she had just started learning how to walk. Running as fast as she could, Hai dragged Stevie's bag behind her before promptly dropping it and jumping into Kim's arms.