Queen Bee

July 2005 (5)/August 2005 (1)

Laying in bed for what felt like hours on fucking end, my mind refused to quit, just as I knew it would. I knew I'd be laying here for hours on hours on hours, and honestly at this point, I'm just surprised the sun isn't up yet.

Continuing to toss and turn, my expensive mattress quickly became uncomfortable, just as my brain had. Feeling frustrated, I kicked the blankets off of me almost as a child in the middle of a tantrum would, swinging my legs over the edge and planting my feet firmly against the cold hard wood floors. Finding my balance, I pushed myself off of the bed, storming towards my door.

Forcing it open, I continued my march directly down the hall, stopping right in front of Marshall's door. Releasing a rough sigh, I quietly, but firmly placed three hard knocks against the wood. "Yeah?" Marshall mindlessly answered, and immediately my brows drew into a frown. What the fuck is he still doing up?!

Swinging the door open, my eyes quickly landed on him casually sitting with his back against the headboard, paper and pen in hand as the small lamp conveniently placed onto his nightstand annoyingly flickered. "What are you doin'?" I blurted accusatory.

Looking up from his pad, he cocked a confused eyebrow up at me. "Writin'? What are you doin'?"

"I-" Shaking my head, another annoyed sigh left my lips. "Look if ya wanna talk, let's talk."

"Yeah? Whatchu wanna talk 'bout, Angel?" He asked, attitude riddled throughout his voice.

"The bullshit you brought up before! I can't fuckin' sleep 'cause of it!"

"Nah." Shaking his head, he looked down back towards his pad. "Not if ya gon' call it bullshit. It ain't bullshit."

Releasing another frustrated sigh, I quickly turned, abruptly shutting the door before marching towards the empty chair directly across from him. "I'm sorry, okay? Ya right, it's not bullshit, I just-" Roughly running my hands over my face, I tried my best to just clear my mind and make sense of all the conflicting thoughts I've had rattling around in my brain all damn night. "This is really fuckin' hard for me, Marshall. Ya have to understand that-"

"What is?" Jutting his chin out towards me, I noticed as he put his pad down onto the nightstand, giving me his complete attention.

"This!" My hands mindlessly motioned towards the vacant air around me. "Everything! I feel like I'm startin' from square one with you."

"Why?"

"What the fuck do ya mean why?! 'Cause you destroyed me, Marshall-"

"Yo, you destroyed me, Angel." He harshly blared through my sentence. "You absolutely fuckin' annihilated me when ya left, aight? This ain't just 'bout you right now."

"Then why the fuck ya bringin' up gettin' back together?! If ya soo fuckin' hurt-"

"Nah, fuck you, Angel. I'm bringin' it up 'cause regardless of the shit you put me through, I still fuckin' love you-"

"The shit I put you through?!" Placing my hands on my chest, my eyes went wide as saucers. "Are ya serious, Marshall?!"

"Yeah I'm fuckin' serious! You left me!"

"'Cause you wouldn't get help!"

"And now I am! So what's your fuckin' issue?!"

"My issue is I love you! But for me to even think about us gettin' back together, so much shit has to change between us, Marshall-"

"What else?! What more do ya fuckin' want?!"

"I want ya to stop workin' so much! I want ya to stop treatin' me like I ain't shit to you! And ya have to finish this fuckin' rehab program, Marshall."