Queen Bee

August 2004 (2)

The next morning I was woken up by the large sun beams beating through my windows, and the faint noise of Jayceon snoring beside me. After we hooked up, we ended up just talking for I swear hours on end, about anything and everything. He told me about Compton, I told him about Brooklyn. He told me about his family, I told him about mine. Eventually, we even ended up talking about Marshall and Des. I only shared a little about what had been going on, since I still felt unsure if I should really be trusting him with all that, but regardless, it was nice. It felt so good to finally talk to someone other than Zoe about it, someone I could at least be semi-honest with who had nothing but fresh eyes and a new perspective.

 By the time I fell asleep, I'm pretty sure it was around 6am, so I had told Jay it was fine if he just wanted to stay over. And honestly, I kinda wanted him to. There was just this really comforting, and understanding nature about him that I loved and wasn't ready to let go of just yet. Plus, it was sorta nice not being all alone in this giant house for once, and I didn't even mind sharing my bed. Actually, I think I liked it. After sleeping side by side with someone for the last however many years, it's hard not having a person with you. Even if it might not be the exact person I'd thought it always would be, Jay's a good stand in. 

Turning over, I watched as he shoulders lightly rose and fell with each breath he would take. Everything about him is so calming, I even feel calm right now just by looking at him. Gently reaching my hand out, I softly placed it on his bicep as I gave him a light shake. "Hey." I rasped and immediately, his eyes began to flutter open. "Hey, you gotta go." 

"Hm?" He groaned, squeezing his eyes shut tight before letting them open once more. 

"You gotta go, I'm sorry. Denaun and Zoe are comin' over soon." 

"Oh." He nodded sleepily. "Aight." Turning onto his back, he rubbed the sleep from his tear ducts. "What time they comin'?" 

"Two. It's twelve right now." 

"You hungry? Wanna get somethin' to eat first?" 

I sighed. "I do but- We shouldn't." 

"What? Why not?" 

"'Cause, Jay. The last time I let a dude buy me breakfast I ended up with a kid and essentially a divorce." 

He laughed. "I ain't tryna marry you or get ya pregnant, Angel. I'm just tryna hang out with ya."

"I know, but I just- I'm havin' a lot of thoughts right now, and a lot of feelings, and I just... Kinda wanna be alone for a bit, y'know?" 

"Yeah, aight, I feel you." He nodded. "I'll give ya space." As his tone turned kind and understanding, he began to sit up. 

"Thank you." I mumbled, watching as he got out of bed and started redressing himself. "Jayceon." Speaking up a little louder, I disrupted him as he was throwing his shirt back on. 

"Yeah?" He asked mindlessly. 

"Can you kiss me?" 

Chuckling, he looked at me. "What? Thought ya ain't like kissin'?" 

I shrugged. "I don't, but- I haven't kissed anyone besides Marshall in a long time and... I wanna see what it feels like with someone else." 

Gifting me an empathetic smile, he dropped his t-shirt onto the end of the bed before slowly sauntering his way over to me. Immediately, I popped up, moving onto my knees as he gently grasped the sides of my face in between his palms. Nervously, I brought my hands to his wrists as he stared into my eyes for a few seconds, before slowly dipping his head down, softly pushing his lips onto mine.