Queen Bee

February 2007 (1)

It had been a little over a month since I met Alicia, and things have been... Fuck. They've been perfect. More than perfect, actually, they've been everything I could have ever hoped and dreamed for. Like I was cherished, like I was respected... Like I was loved. I don't know if I've felt loved in a really long time. But it was clear my body needed it, it was clear my mind needed it. It was almost as if I didn't realize I was so incredibly dehydrated, then as soon as I had a glass of water, I couldn't help but just lean over the counter and drink from the faucet. From the endless running supply. 

And I know I sound like a crazy person, I mean it's only been a month! And to be completely honest, I'm not even sure if we're dating? But this feeling that I'm having inside of me, I haven't felt something like this since Marshall. Since before the pills. And after we broke up, I never knew if I could feel like this ever again. I think I had given up even trying. No, I know I had given up even trying. Because man, after man, after man, nobody sufficed. No one could fill that Marshall-sized hole he left inside of me... But somehow, a five foot five, hundred and twenty pound girl could. And it was effortless, too. Almost as if her and Marshall were the same person... But they aren't. They're so far from the same, it's not even funny. 

Alicia's gentle, and kind, and caring, and only ever has good things to say about the people around her. She loves hard, she'd give the shirt off her back to anybody who asked for it, and I swear, she's the sexiest fucking woman to ever walk the face of the planet. 

I didn't ever think I could be attracted to women, but after our first night together... When we got back to her place... It was the ultimate climax. Not just physically, but mentally. When we have sex, we have sex for hours. We tend to every single need the other has. Whether that be just a pure orgasm in its rawest form, or words of love, and encouragement, it doesn't matter. But they will always be tended to. 

But even with the sex in its most physical form, its unlike anything I've ever experienced. Which is crazy to think about, considering all the people I've slept with, and all the orgasms I've had. You'd think I've experienced it all, but that is so far from the truth. Honestly, I feel like as if I'm having almost a sexual awakening right now from how new and just truly amazing it all is. Like I said, we have sex for hours on end. Sometime's when Des is at school, we'll just be in bed all day, completely naked, making each other cum upwards of ten times each. And the toys! Oh my god, the toys. Before Alicia, I never explored much into that world outside of just the basic vibrators for my own use, considering men usually tend to be pretty touchy around that subject, but women? Absolutely not. Women love that shit. Alicia loves that shit. I love that shit. They can really just elevate any sexual encounter to the ultimate experience, and it's been absolutely fucking amazing. Women really are where it's at, and I can't believe it took me thirty fucking years to figure that out. But now that I have, I swear, I ain't ever wanna go back. 

Sitting downstairs in my studio, I had been trying for the last hour and a half to finally start on this new project. Alicia had taken Des to school for me, knowing I wanted to start on this today and was hoping it would help to alleviate some of my mom responsibilities so I could focus better. But still, I was coming up with nothing but dead end after dead end. Almost as if my brain just didn't wanna write today. 

Huffing out a breath, I sunk down in my chair as the extremely loud beat DJ Whoo Kid had sent me blared through my speakers. Him and Mister Cee had told me they wanted to help me out on this project by producing it all for me, and I immediately took them up on that offer. Those two are some of the dopest producers I know, and I'd be stupid to ever turn down beats from them. But I just really hope I don't disappoint if this creative dry spell continues to persist. 

Just as I was about ready to call it quits at least for a few hours, I heard a faint knock on my door. "Baby?" My most favourite, raspy voice called out as the door cracked open ever so gently.