💜HomieSexual💙. Josuyasu Oneshot Collection.

💜 10 Confessions 💙

I'm not worth anything.

It seemed that one of the first things Okuyasu had ever been aware of was his worth, moreso the lack of worth he held to everyone. His worth was always under constant questioning. When his dad hit him, he wondered if it was because he wasn't valuable. When their dad got turned into a physical representation of the monstrosity he was, Keicho made him question his own worth as well. It was hard not to when the only things he seemed to hear day in and day out was about how he was a nuisance or a burden. Not to mention, he wasn't treated any better by strangers than he was by his own family, but that was no surprise. Kids and teachers didn't like him. The reason? He will never know. His own brother seemed to hate him and his father couldn't even voice the hate he held in his heart for him. It made him think even deeper: Was the whole world against him? If so, why was he here? These thoughts plagued his mind with no remedy.

I'm dumb.

The second thing Okuyasu had become aware of right after his lack of worth was his lack of intelligence. It's not like it wasn't clear, with him never being able to do anything right in his brother's eyes no matter how hard he tried. Then, he went to school and it only proved this point. He read slower than the other kids. He couldn't answer questions as fast as the other kids. He couldn't talk as well as the other kids. In fact, they liked to find him in his solitary place on the playground and ask him questions about things he knew nothing about, taunting him. He would've fought them, seeing as he was fairly aggressive even when he was young, but that might've resulted in a call home to a father that couldn't even talk properly, leaving an angry Keicho to fill his place. So, he simply didn't answer, staring them down as they made assumptions about what he knew and what he didn't.

Though grades weren't something Keicho seemed to care about, Okuyasu cared. He couldn't bring back home anything higher than a low B and it irked him. He tried his best on homework, but it's not like he could ask Keicho or his dad for help, so he struggled without aid. It made him question: What was wrong with him? Was he cursed to be behind everyone his whole life?

I'm helpless.

This tied in pretty closely with his own stupidity, explaining why no matter what he did he could never improve his intelligence. This was also just a general statement.

Throughout his whole life, decisions had always been made for him without any of his input taken into consideration. It made sense considering that he probably wouldn't have anything valuable to give anyway. Whenever he tried to come up with something, he was shot down immediately and after thinking about it, he realized it was actually dumb. No matter how much he tried to think like Keicho, though, he could never come up with anything worthwhile.

So, he accepted the fact that he was helpless. The fact that he would probably be dependent on his brother his whole life. The fact that he would never be smart. The fact that he would never be worth anyone's time and there was nothing in the world that could change that. Basically, he accepted his own fate.

I'm ugly.

For once, this is something that Keicho never spoke about. To him, things like looks were vain and trivial, so Okuyasu never brought it up, though it's not like he wanted to. If he did, Keicho would just say what everyone else already seemed to know.

He had never really thought about his looks before, ignoring them since Keicho didn't care about them. Then, he had finally caught wind of some of the whispers of his classmates in middle school and was suddenly aware of his ugliness. The only problem was that none of them could agree on what exactly made him ugly. There were whispers of the big scars on his face being the problem while others claimed it was his whole face that was the issue. Either way, like most things in his life, it couldn't be fixed.