Cold All the Way Through, But Warming

Rigel

Will was gone again, and I found myself less concerned this time. Perhaps the fear that had gripped me so tightly had loosened its hold after the first trip. Or perhaps it was because I was currently strolling through a department store with Morgan Fields and she had laughed when I told her that. "Oh Anastasia, you finally understand it now."

"I still worry, but it's not the first thought I have when I wake up anymore." I shrugged, picking up a fan. The delicate lace spread between the lacquered ribs smoothly, and it made a crisp noise when I slapped it shut. I handed it to a salesman, nodding my head. "Now I'm mainly worried about finding ways to occupy myself at the offices, I keep going to the wireless room unless I have something to focus on. Tenny isn't exactly pleased that I'm still getting him to teach me, but at a much lower rate."

"Your mother doesn't know that, does she?"

"No, I made sure to keep it low enough she won't notice. A few dollars for every lesson."

Morgan shook her head. "I never had the thought to try to learn. Abe would have hated me if I had the option to message him while he was out."

"Because you would tell him how much you miss him all the time?"

"Because I would make sure he knew exactly what I was going through every time he left me here, pregnant. And what I wanted to do to him for leaving me like that." Morgan chuckled, examining a petticoat. "If he thought I was a terror when he got back, oh he would have hated to see me during the first few weeks."

"Ah," I winced a little, "I can't imagine you were very pleasant with the twins."

"Abe stayed in a hotel for a few weeks during them." Morgan shrugged, "Otherwise I might have killed him."

"It sounds as if being pregnant is not very pleasant." I turned to a stack of folded combinations, considering them. And considering that eventual fate for myself. That was what marriage led to, usually. A pregnant wife and a proud father. The thought of it scared me, it wasn't like women died in childbirth constantly anymore, but it wasn't unheard of either. And then the baby seemed to take so much time, and I'd seen young mothers, pale and drawn with dark circles under their eyes while their husbands congratulated each other. I shook the thought away, turning back to the clothing in front of me.

She began to rifle through them, "You'll learn eventually, although your mother was so terrified when she was pregnant with you she almost never left the house. Not that Gareth would have let her, he was convinced that if she so much as took one more step than was necessary she would lose you."

I swallowed, Mother had never spoken much about the time she had been pregnant with me. "She must have been so scared."

"She was happy." Morgan pulled three combinations from the pile, handing them off to the salesman following us. "It had taken so long for her, month after month of disappointment. There were a few times where she was with child, but she would lose them a month or two after. But you stayed, she was so happy that you did and she swore she would do nothing to bring any harm to you. Even if it meant she never left the house, didn't go to parties and ate only the blandest foods."

"I never knew." I muttered, swiping at my eyes. The tears weren't falling, but I could feel them.

"She doesn't care to talk about it." She gently bumped her shoulder to mine, "And you had better not tell her that I told you, or I might have to let her know what I told you to do with Will."

"You wouldn't!" I gasped, feeling a slight grin break out.

Morgan smirked, shrugging. "I might, now come along. It's time for us to be on our way." It was simple to collect our purchases and flag down a cab, although Morgan dropped me at the curb by the dock house rather than take me to her house. When I asked her why she affected a shudder, "Those boys need to get married, I swear. I come home to a mess every time. Half the reason I wanted you to marry Ezekiel was simply so that I might not have to collect his clothes from the floor every day."