Cold All the Way Through, But Warming

Separate

I lost track of the days after Will left. I didn't have much to mark them by, so why should I bother? My husband had left me, all anyone would want to visit me to talk about would be his absence and the war, which were already making me feel sick enough to even think about. Peggy brought food, I barely touched it, and went back to bed, that was the way things went for the first few days. The first day I had managed to hide several bottles of whiskey and brandy throughout my rooms so when Peggy didn't bring wine with the meals, I hardly cared. All I cared about was the dread in my stomach, that Will's ship had been attacked and he was gone. Not even Rigel could help with that, although he barely left my bed either.

But then Peggy pulled aside the bed curtains, a silver tray in her hands. "A wire ma'am, from Mr. Murdoch."

I almost knocked it out of her hands I lunged for it so quickly, tearing the envelope open. Arrived safe, watch for my letters. All my love, Will. That brought tears to my eyes again, and I latched my arms around Rigel. He did his best to worm his way around me, licking every bit of me he could reach. His brown eyes were solely focused on trying to make me smile, to make me laugh, and all I did was cry. It made me feel worse that I couldn't even make my dog happy, let alone having my husband gone. So I kept that message on my nightstand, turned back over, and did my best to not soak my pillow with tears.

I did not succeed.

More meals came, more whiskey was drunk, and Peggy kept coming up saying that people had come calling. Sophie had stopped by, I sent down my regrets. Ezekiel had made captain and wanted to celebrate, I sent down my congratulations and told him I would pay his bar tab. Even James sent up a hastily written card, I knew Will had recommended to Captain Fraser that he be promoted to a senior officer with Will's departure. I had Louise take down a note that I would see him soon, but I was not feeling well at the moment.

I wasn't sure how many days had passed, how many visitors I had refused before Peggy opened the door to my bedroom and held it. "She's been in here for more than a week, crying and drinking. The two of you have to do something, otherwise I'm considering packing her off to a sanitarium for a bit."

"I'm sure we can." Oscar's voice was quiet, "Liz and I have been very concerned. Did Mr. Murdoch arrive safely?"

"He did, we're expecting a flood of letters soon." Peggy chuckled, pulling aside my bed curtains. "It's a good thing you decided to wear a dressing gown this morning, because these two aren't leaving until you get out of bed and at least walk around the house."

I cringed away from the bright light currently streaming through the windows, courtesy of Liz who was tying the curtains back. "Peggy, just leave me alone."

"Anastasia, you look exhausted." Oscar came forward, smiling down at me. "And hungry, how about we go out for a nice lunch?" I looked away and he tried again. "Or we could set up a picnic up here, doesn't that sound nice?"

"Oscar, please." I shook my head, "I just want to be alone."

"But I need your help!" Liz bustled over, a cheery smile on her face. "I figured you owe me after I helped with your wedding, and I have absolutely nothing planned. I thought we could at least go over some colors?"

I turned away, pulling the blankets up. "Maybe another day."

"No, today." Liz marched up to the bed, a scrapbook in her hands. "I brought swatches and you're helping." She reached over, poking at my shoulder repeatedly. "I know you're upset, we're all upset for you, but you cannot lay about for the entire war, Anastasia. Let us distract you, it will help."

I glanced at the scrapbook, noting how thick it was. "How many swatches did you bring?"

"Several hundred of each color." Oscar joked, "She's gone off the deep end with all of this."