Cold All the Way Through, But Warming

First Voyage

Adjusting back to New York was a tad difficult after Newport. Mother returned to the Fifth Avenue house, and Moody was given a gust room in the dock house. The Vanderbilts went back to their own house on Fifth, although they promised to call as often as they could. I resumed my trips to the offices, and Captain Fraser quickly had Will and James scampering to the Anastasia early each morning to begin their work. The ship was put through her paces, her engines straining to reach top speed and quickly stop, her stability tested to see how far she could heel, and her crew slowly meshing together. None of the officers that Captain Fraser had brought had been assigned their positions yet, only knowing that they would be either junior or senior officers. His old crew had stayed on the Ruth, his top officer taking over as Captain.

Every day when I returned from the offices I would change and then preside over the dinner table. Will and James would come in, not even bothering to do more than wash their faces before they collapsed into the chairs on either side of me and ate like they hadn't seen food in days. They would speak about their tasks, their hopes, and their excitement for the upcoming voyage.

James drank heavily from his water glass before speaking, "It was passing strange to not be working when I came over, I'm glad to get back to it."

"It was odd," Will chuckled, setting his silverware down. "I've missed being out on the sea, it must be in my blood I guess." He turned to me, "What about you, Ana? Planning to join us?"

I smiled, unwilling to give voice to my actual thoughts. "I'm afraid I have my responsibilities here to keep up, but I am glad that you're both excited." I didn't tell them how I once woke up in a cold sweat, having seen the Anastasia foundering and Will, trapped by a fallen strut, sinking with her. The thoughts that had begun to dog my steps, the constant worry. i told myself that it was foolish, that I was worrying over nothing, but in the nights, when it all was quiet, the thoughts would creep up out of the darkness.

Will had used up all his luck that night, surviving against all odds and he still almost died. There was nothing I could do but hope and pray that he could make it through this, that there wasn't some vengeful specter following him and ready to take him away. If there was, it would only hurt more now for him to be taken. At first it was only at night that these thoughts came up, but sometimes the fear would grip me tight at the most inconvenient times. Seeing Will and James playing a brief game of cards, it reared up in my stomach and clenched itself tight around my heart. To lose Will, and possibly James.

James, who Liz had begun pestering me about. She had come over for tea one day, and after ascertaining that the two of them were out, had begun questioning me. She had stirred her tea, lightened by a liberal amount of milk and sugar. "Mr. Moody seems awfully young to be an officer."

"I believe he's younger than me." I sipped my own tea, "Although only by a year."

"But he's capable?"

"Very, and I am curious to see what place he gets." I sighed, "And what place Will is given. I hope he won't be too disappointed if he isn't chief."

Liz had glanced over, "Do you think he would?"

"I think he would worry that he had failed in someway."

"And you would comfort him?" Liz had smiled, a rather toothy grin. "Like you did in the parlor at Newport?"

My mouth had fallen open, "Liz, don't mention that!"

"What, you don't want your staff to know how he was crawling all over you?" She had leaned forward, "How he couldn't pull his lips from you?"

"And what about you?" I had whispered, "The way you kept looking at Moody. I know that look."

"I don't know what you're talking about." She had pulled back, her face firm. "He is just a new friend, and one of your employees. I was simply being nice."