Wild Side || N.S.

★ sixxty five ★

          I can't remember when I finally fell asleep but I was so grateful that Nikki was here. Because there is no way I made it up the stairs to bed. 

My eyes opened wide so fast, it scared me. I got up off the bed and scanned the room, my eyes landing on Audrey's crib. I walked briskly over towards the light pink crib and peered over the railing to find my beautiful, incredibly tiny baby girl sleeping soundly. This was the most peaceful I have ever seen her. I couldn't help but smile at the sight. 

From behind me, I heard the bed creak. I assumed I had woken Nikki up. I wasn't exactly graceful with my sudden rise from bed. 

I rested my hands on the railing of our daughter's crib and let out a sigh of relief. Moments later, I felt Nikki rest his hand on my shoulder. "She's so beautiful" Nikki spoke my thoughts. I nodded in agreement.

We stood there for a while. Just watching Audrey breathe in and out. I just couldn't help but be in disbelief that Nikki and I created her. She was so amazing. More amazing than I could ever have imagined. 

"You don't have to do this alone you know," Nikki finally spoke up. His breathing a little shaky, indicating how nervous he was to have this conversation. "I want to be in Audrey's life. More than anything. I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for her birth but I swear that is the last time I won't be here for Audrey. Or you." 

I felt the tears forming in my eyes and tried my best to blink them back. I turned to look up at him. His lips in a small frown, his features rather soft. I just couldn't find the words. The right words. 

At my silence, Nikki took my right hand in his. "Please Maria. I'm so so sorry. I know that's not enough and you have given me so much. So fucking much. I want to give back to you. I want to make this right." 

At this point, I let the tears fall and didn't even bother to wipe them away. I took a deep breath and let out a shaky breath before I spoke. "You know what the crazy thing is, Nikki? I would let you break my heart over and over and over again." I met his stare and his eyes showed a little curiosity. "But I will never let you break my daughter's." 

"I won't. I swear I won't! I want to be a father that she can be proud of. I want to be there for everything. Her first birthday, her first day of school, her first dentist appointment. I want to teach her how to tie her shoes, how to play guitar or piano, I want to take her to her sports games, if she gets into sports. I want to be everything that my dad never was for me, for her. I want her to look up to me. I want to be the best me for her because it's what she deserves." Nikki hurled out his words without any hesitation. He wasn't fucking with me. This wasn't anything like before. 

I choked out a sob and covered my mouth instantly to keep from disturbing Audrey's sleep. I heard Whisky let out a whine from the bed. He had been watching this entire encounter. 

Nikki didn't think twice, he pulled me in for a bear hug and I reciprocated. I loved this man so much but he was killing me. 

"I believe everything that you are saying Nikki, but you have such an awful track record of not keeping your promises." I admitted. Nikki nodded his head as he held me. We both pulled back from the embrace and I could see that Nikki now had tears in his eyes too. 

"I know. I don't know what to do to get you to believe me this time." he admitted sheepishly. 

We stood there for a minute until an idea came to me. "How about this?" I looked up at him to make sure I had his attention. I did. "You take the time that you really need to heal. To recover. To get clean and get back on track. And do it right. Take a year or more if you need to. As in no touring. Get yourself in the right mind state and take this shit seriously. More serious than before. And Audrey and I will be right here with you." I spoke. 

He thought it over, not for too long before he was nodding in agreement. "You won't leave?" he asked. 

"No. I'll be here through it all. But you have to do this. No more fucking around." I said somewhat sternly. 

He nodded again. "Okay. I can do this. I will do this." he smiled softly at me, making me smile back. 

"That's what I like to here," I looked over at Whisky watching us, no longer upset by what he was seeing. I noticed the alarm clock slightly behind him on the nightstand and saw what time it was. "Happy New Year,  Nikki." 

He chuckled softly. "Happy New Year, my love."

. . .

A/N: Yo who tf is cutting onions in here?

That one made me emotional as hell but hey, it looks like our dynamic duo are back together. Let's see how long that lasts, AM I RIGHT?! 

Nah just kidding. We are coming to the end of this book and it feels so bittersweet. Thank you so much for the love and support over the years with this book. You really know how to make a girl feel special. 

See ya in the next chapter! xo. ~