I'm Vine Ft. Kim Taehyung (BTS) {COMPLETED ✔️}

Part Seventy-Seven 칠십칠

~ Taehyung ~

I close the door of Jimin's house and drop myself on the couch. Damn, my head hurts. I had an amazing day with Yoonah today, but it ended with a huge confrontation. Not just seeing Mick again, but more what happened after that. After I saw Mick standing close to Alyssa, my feelings got all over the place. I felt things I haven't felt in a long time...

As I stare at the ceiling, I remember my heart raise when I saw her standing there. I felt the need to protect her and I didn't know how fast I could pull her behind me. I saw they were talking from a safe distance, but I just had to get in between them. I needed to be sure she was safe...

My anger also started to add up again. I felt the huge urge to step closer to him and hit him in the face. Just because of everything he had done before and as a warning to not come close to her ever again.

I scare when a door close to me opens. Jimin on the phone walks in and shortly waves at me. "Yeah, he just got home, babe," Jimin tells Cristina on the other side of the line. He looks at me, but listens to her. "Yes, I should probably keep in company, you're right. But I will talk to you soon, okay?" He asks her. I see how his cheeks blush a little. "Babe.. Don't say that," he says with a giggle, "Watch out, because I will find the first plane and come home to you." He laughs and nods, "Yes of course I am being serious! Don't try me!"

He walks into the kitchen while he keeps talking to her. I smile when I see him like this. He is so happy with her, even though they are on opposites sides of the world.

When I see him like this, I remember the time I last looked like that... Blushing cheeks, a giggle, teasing and being this happy... It has been a while... I feel my heart ache. I miss that feeling...

Jimin comes back into the living room. He hang up the phone and has put it in his pocket. "Cristina says hi," he tells me as he takes a seat on the couch next to me. I smile a little, "Say hi back from me." Jimin laughs and pretends to grab his phone again. "Oh I will!" He jokes and laughs.

I smile and bring my stare back to the ceiling. Jimin puts his hand on my arm. "How was your day? How was your time with Yoonah?" He asks me. I feel my heart ache. How was my time with Yoonah? It sounds like I hang out with a stranger... But it is my own damn daughter. It feels weird not seeing her as much. I make sure to see her nearly every day, but I know I am just bothering Alyssa. Even though she won't admit it, because she doesn't want to damage my connection with Yoonah...

My heart aches once again. She is so thoughtful for not saying certain things out loud. It has both good and bad sides. It is sometimes needed to say some things out loud, even though it might hurt. But she knows when it is really needed or when it is okay to not say it out loud. One of the things I appreciate about her.

"Tae?" I scare and bring my focus back to Jimin. Right, he asked me a question. "It was nice," I tell him. He smiles a little, but it isn't sincere. He looks away from me and sighs deeply. When he looks back at me again, I see worry written all over his face. "Tae, are you okay?" he asks me. He seems a little scared to ask me this.

He has seen me the past days and weeks. He knows the answer to that question. No, I am not okay. I haven't been for a while. The past time I don't feel as well as I hoped. I know, it is pretty obvious what the reason behind it is.

When I broke up with Alyssa, I knew things would be hard. I knew it would be difficult to continue my life without her. Even though I felt like I really needed time for myself and time to figure out what I wanted and needed, I didn't want to leave her at all. That's why I postponed the break up as long as I could. But one moment, I just couldn't take it anymore. I needed things to change.

I felt like I was doing Alyssa wrong. My thoughts were wrapped around another woman, Alyssa didn't deserve that. She deserves the full focus and the full love. Not someone who was half focused on her.

It broke me, but I never showed it. I didn't want her to know what was really going on in my head. I didn't want her to know about my true feelings. I know she knew something was off. She even asked me about it a few times. But she was too sweet to let it go once I told her I was fine and that work was just really busy. A little white lie...

So when I told her that lie, I knew things had to change. I knew the thing I was dreading, had to happen. For the better, at least that's what I was hoping for.

But now, I am not sure anymore. Do I miss Alyssa? Hell yeah. I am dreaming to have her in my arms again, to have her say she loves me and to just be home again. Because my love for her hasn't changed. If possible, my love for her has only grown. I know everyone always says 'you don't know what you got, until it's gone', well I can assure you: that is true.

At the time, I thought I needed excitement and the rush of a challenge. Something I felt when I met Alyssa and something I felt the years that came after, but something that slowly drifted away these past months. The problem was that I felt it, just a little bit when I met Ye-Jun.

But I have felt it more often lately, but not just with Ye-Jun. I felt it for Alyssa again, only not in the same way. The rush of a challenge was clearly present in my body when I saw Alyssa with other guys. When I saw her with the ATEEZ-members, for example. The thought of her with someone else crawled around in my brain like poison.

But what can I do about it? We broke up. She is free to do whatever she wants with whoever she wants... But damn, I wish she didn't.

I know it is selfish. I know that I have no right to feel this way. Besides, it is probably the same way Alyssa felt when we met Ye-Jun. When I started hanging out with Ye-Jun more often, I know Alyssa felt some kind of jealousy. Probably the same I am feeling right now...

I want to change it. I want to go back to how things were: Alyssa and me together with Yoonah. But should I? I mean, I know how Alyssa feels about me now. She hates me. Who could blame her? I hurt her... So I don't know if I can ever fix that? I know she still loves me, somewhere deep inside. Our love was too big and too pure for it to drift all away that easily. I hope she knows that too. I hope she misses me too...

"Tae!" I scare and look at Jimin again. Right, we were talking. "Are you okay?" Jimin asks once again. I sigh and move my eyes away from him. "No... Not really..." I tell him.

He looks worried, "Can I do something to help?" I shake my head, "no, thank you. I just... I just..." I pause. I just don't even know what to do.

So many thoughts race through my head. Part of me wants to go back to Alyssa and beg her to take me back. But the other part still isn't sure... Maybe I should give it more time? But maybe, I have all the time in the world if Alyssa doesn't want me back at all. I mean, I can't blame her.

"I just need to clear my head," I finally tell Jimin. He nods and puts his hand on my shoulder. "I think you should hit the gym. That always helps," he says. I nod. The gym might be the best place for me now.

So I stand up from the couch and grab my stuff. I really don't feel like working out right now, but I don't give myself a chance to think about it. I just want to go. Like Jimin said, it will help me.