I'm Vine Ft. Kim Taehyung (BTS) {COMPLETED ✔️}

Part Ninety-Three 아흔삼

~ Alyssa ~

"So where do we go from here?" He asks me. I take a deep breath. Where do we go from here? I have no idea... Do I want him back? Yes. Am I ready to get back together with him? No... No matter how much I want him back, I can't...

"I don't know, Tae..." I tell him. Taehyung nods and looks down. He puts his hands in his pocket and stays quiet. We both don't know how to fix this, no matter how much we both might want to.

But staying quiet about it, won't help us get further either. So I decide to be completely open with him. I believe that is the only way we can ever get to a next step.

"Look, Tae, I want us to get back together. I really do," I tell him, "But I don't know how." His eyes meet mine and I see the worry in his eyes. "I understand," He says, "Maybe we can start over? We can start with the beginning and see where it goes from there."

I look at him, but I feel my heart ache. I can't see that happening either...

I take a deep breath. "I don't think I can do that either, Tae..." I tell him, "Even though I think it will be the best to start over, I just..." I can't even get myself to say it. The words hurt me. The entire situation hurts me. But to say the words out loud... I just can't...

Taehyung notices and takes a step closer to me. He carefully lets his hand touch mine. "I know we are not on the best terms, Ali, but please tell me what is bothering you. Whatever it is. Just speak your mind. Please..." I look at him and feel my heart break once again. But he is right. I should just say it.

"I just... I don't trust you anymore, Tae..." I softly say. I see how my words scare him. I force myself to look into his eyes, but I only find more heartbreak in them.

A small tear rolls down my face. I wish we could just go back to a year ago. To a time where we were happy together and there was nothing that could ever stop us as a family. But look at us now... Now we can't even trust each other...

I wipe my tear off my cheek and look at him. "It's true... I can't get back together with you, because I feel like I could lose you within a second again. I am scared that if we get back together, I could lose you to any woman that crosses our path..." I know my words hurt him, but he really did this to himself.

Taehyung nods and takes a step back. "I... I understand," he says, "You really won't lose me that easily ever again, but I understand that you feel that way..." I look at him as he looks at me. He looks really sad and broken. But I bet I mirror that look as well.

"During this break up I really realized I can't live without you. If you ever give me a chance again, I promise you, I will never hurt you like that ever again. I will never leave you again. You are the one and only for me. Nobody could ever be better than you. I am sorry that I only realized that during this break up, but it's true..." He explains.

I feel more and more tears rolling down my cheeks. I know he means well, but every single word hurts worse than the one before.

"I understand, Tae, but I really thought our marriage was a promise as well... A promise of not leaving each other like that. And now I need time to believe in your next promise..." I tell him.

Taehyung turns away from me and takes a few steps. "I... I understand..." I hear his voice break. He is crying as well...

When he turns back to me, he confirms my thoughts. I see tears roll down his face. Even more tears than I expected. We are both still hurting. We are both so broken... We need each other to heal, but we are also the ones hurting each other...

"I really wish I could show you how much I have changed and how much you can trust me. I mean every word I say, Ali. I miss you and I need you and I love you. I never loved anyone else even close to how much I love you. So if there is any way I could show you that, I will. I will do anything to show you. I know you can't trust me again quickly. But I will do anything to help you build back the trust. If you'd let me..." He tells me.

I wipe my tears off my face, but it is no use. They keep on coming. "I want our lives back to the way they were, just like you. And I really want to be happy with you and trust you again like old times. But I just don't know how we can get there..." I tell him honestly.

Taehyung nods. "I understand..." We both look down and stay quiet. We both are not sure what to do...

He is right, we could start all over again, but I just feel too uncomfortable to do so. When I think about us two together, I can only picture him leaving me again... What if he meets someone even more attractive than Ye-Jun and me combined? What if I am really not his soulmate, but his true soulmate is just around the corner?

If I look at it that way, I feel like we would be better separated. Maybe that is how we should continue. Just to live our separated lives. Yes, our lives together were great, but maybe it ended when it was supposed to end. No matter how great it was...

But when I picture my life without him, I feel hurt. I honestly don't even want to live my life without him. Especially with a new baby coming, we will be involved in each other's lives. We already are because of Yoonah, all our friends and work. But even more with a new born...

So cutting each other out is not an option. So our options are: or we will stay friends with kids or we get back together. But we love each other. Maybe even more than we should. So staying friends doesn't feel right either... That means we will be best to get back together. That means we have to learn to trust each other again... But how do we do that? Maybe just like Taehyung said. Maybe we should really start from the beginning...

Yes, that will be hard and probably uncomfortable. But it might be the only road we can take... Does that mean it is the road we should take? I mean, we don't know if we don't try...

I take a deep breath and look at Taehyung again. "I... I have an hospital appointment for the pregnancy soon," I finally say, "Will you come with me?"

Taehyung's eyes shoot back to mine. He looks a little hopeful. A somehow weird look with the tears on his cheeks and the broken heart behind his eyes.

"Yes, yes of course I will," He says. He wipes the tears off his cheeks. "What kind of appointment is it?" He asks. "Just a check. Because I... We had a miscarriage in the past, the hospital agrees to have a few extra checks this time," I explain.

Taehyung nods. "Yes, okay, I understand. Yes, I would really like if I could go with you," he says. I nod, "Yes of course. It's your child too..." I look at him and feel a little more relaxed and even relieved.

I see a small, tiny smile appear on his face when he hears these words. "Yes... Yes it is," He says like he just realizes what I said.

I can't help but smile a little bit back to him. This makes us both relax a little more. I feel the entire atmosphere change, for the better.

"You don't know the gender yet, right?" He asks me. I shake my head, "No not yet. That takes about twenty weeks." Taehyung laughs a little, "Oh right. Of course."

I smile when I look at him. I see how this news goes through his head. I get it, it is a big deal. Especially when it comes this unexpectedly.

"Do you have any ideas for names yet?" He then asks me. I smile, "No, not yet... Do you?" He looks at me again and I see his eyes sparkle. "Well, I can suggest the name Taehyung Junior again if you'd like?"

I laugh. Every time we talked about babynames, he suggested the name Taehyung Jr. And every single time I told him there is no way I will ever call my child that. He knows. And I am convinced he doesn't really want to use the name either. That's exactly why he keeps suggesting that name.

"Not one hair on my head, Tae!" I laugh. Taehyung laughs as well. "I will just keep trying," he says with a playful wink. I shake my head, but keep laughing. "Of course..."

We went through all the emotions and ended up with laughter. But if I am really honest, I am somehow glad to be here with him. And our baby.