All my life I always question who really I should be. Kung ano ba talaga ang dapat na pagpapakilala ko sa ibang tao.
Do I even deserve to be part of the Enriquez? Everytime I fail iyon ang laging tanong ko sa sarili ko. An Enriquez is not bound to fail- if you are one of them you should be ruthless and domineering in business. I am barely pushing with my fashion house, it's a success - but not enough for an Enriquez.
All my life I was and always an Enriquez in the eyes of people. Kahit anong gamit ko ng pangalan ng ama ko, parang wala lang iyon. I haven't met him. He is a stranger to me. I don't know any family on his side.
Not until today.
"I am your dad's sister, twin sister." Hinaplos ng babae ang mukha ko. I can't call her auntie or tita, I barely know her. "Kamukhang kamukha mo ang daddy mo." And she looks like me, that it's creepy.
To the people who knows my father, they wouldn't miss to remind me that I look like him. I couldn't agree with them. I never once met my dad- my mom erase all his memories, from his things to old pictures. I am too scared to search him on the internet. I am scared of whatever I will discover.
Auntie Elena's hand started caressing my back. Sa halip na gumaan ang pakiramdam ko ay lalo akong nahirapang huminga.
"Your dad wanted to be here but-"
"But he isn't here," I finished her sentence. Nilayo ko ang sarili mula sa kanya. "I'm sorry. I can't do this reunion right now. Please excuse me."
Tumayo ako bago pa ako maglupasay sa iyak. My father is a sensitive topic for me. Mom was very clear that he left me- he left us. Never once while I grow up that he find inside him to visit me. And now he'll send his sister? For what?
Unang ginawa ko nang pumasok sa kwarto ay nag-empake. I can't breath here. I want to go as far as I can. I want to be alone- to be drown with my own thoughts.
"Paris where are you going? Let's talk first."
Hinarang ako ni Auntie Elena sa hagdan habang hatak ko ang small luggage. Akma niya akong hahawakan nang iniwas ko ang sarili ko. "Please, Auntie. I need to go now. Please ayaw ko po." I am like a child begging. Hindi ako handang marinig ang kahit ano tungkol sa tatay ko.
He was absent my whole life. Hindi pwedeng may bigla nalang magpapakita sa akin at ipapaalala siya. I can't handle shits that involves him.
"Where are you going? Atleast tell me."
I cross my finger behind me. I am about to lie to the person who took care of me. "I'll stay with Kuya Seb."
"I'll call Sebastian na pupunta ka."
"Huwag na Auntie. Ako na magpapaliwanag sa kanya."
Huminga siya ng malalim bago tumango. "Are you sure you don't want to talk to your aunt? It's about your dad."
Umiling ako. "Not now Auntie."
Bago ako tuluyang makapagdrive palabas ng bahay ay nakita ko pang lumabas si Cali at tinatawag ako, tumuloy ako nang hindi siya kinakausap. Iiyak lang ako sa kanya. He has his own problems. He doesn't have to carry mine, too.
Dumeretso ako sa home van ni Iros. Wala siya kaya makakapag-isip ako ng mag-isa. I have a spare key, hindi ko rin alam kung bakit niya ako binigyan but I made use of it.
