[BL] I shouldn't have married the crown prince

Chapter 51- Diana's POV

Diana never thought about getting married. She was born in a rich family and was the oldest sister. She lived in a society where her parents decided everything for her. She felt like she would lose sight of who she was and thus started doing multiple activities to forget about her reality. She was really young when she realized the truth and started horse riding, reading, knitting... She did all sorts of activities and did well at school. Her parents had nothing to say because she did things that were considered "ladylike". Moreover she was well mannered and beautiful. She was really considered a perfect trophee and her parents couldn't wait to get her married and disposed of.

Diana didn't spend a lot of time with her family and she didn't really care what they did behind her back. Partly because she didn't mind getting away from them and partly because she gave up trying. She was just a little girl when she learned that she had to do what she was told and slowly she realized that this was wrong. It took her time but while doing activities she liked, she slowly started to realize that there were things she didn't want to do. At the beginning she forced herself.

When she heard about her engagement it was a great shock. At that moment she realized exactly how trapped she felt. It was as if the cover got lifted. Until then she deep down believed her parents loved her and wished her the best. They always complimented her but at that moment she realized how they really saw her. She wasn't their daughter, she was an object nothing else.

She had the urge to flee for the first time in her life. She felt suffocated and she realized that she didn't need a husband to get away from her family. But she was terrified. Even if she knew, she still loved them and she couldn't stand the idea of them being disappointed in her. She found herself despicable but at the same time she was used to the image of the perfect daughter. What else could she live for if it wasn't for this?

Fortunately Eschyle was nice. Really nice. Diana was surprised and she immediately liked him. He became a really good friend of hers with whom she had a lot in common. Despite Cadmael always interfering, Diana got really close to Eschyle. She thought that maybe it would be okay if they were to get married because Eschyle was nice and good to her. Without realizing it she started developing some feelings for the young man and she was disappointed when the engagement was broken off.

Her father was the most upset. He felt humiliated and for the first time raised his hand on his daughter. Diana fell to the ground and her body went cold.

"This is all your fault! What did you do for them to break things off? You should have seduced him sooner? What are you good for if you can't even get a husband?"

Was this the father she had loved? What exactly was she clinging for? She didn't need a husband to get away from here. She didn't need to stay either. She wasn't the perfect daughter anymore anyway. She had nothing to lose but then why did it hurt so much?

Diana didn't cry that night but she didn't sleep either. She hated herself for being sad and wanted to suppress all of her emotions. She would be happier if she didn't feel anything. She only had to hold on for one and a half year. After High School she would graduate and would be a legal adult. She would be completely numb until then. She would smile brightly but would cut her heart from the world and would hopefully soon be free.