Betrayal, Secrets and Lies (Werewolf)

Chapter 35

Nate's Point of View: 

I've never realised how painful it could feel to stand under your mate's gaze when it showed nothing but disappointment and resentment. Casper defiantly didn't look as mad as before but he still looked cynical and dubious. I wished I had just swallowed my pride and told him that the two of us were mates when I first found out on my 18th birthday. I knew he would have still been mad if I had done that, but at least he wouldn't had accused me from keeping secrets and hiding crucial things.

Casper didn't respond to my question. He kept his eyes trained on mine, scrutinising my face, trying to detect any other truths that I might have been concealing. I didn't move my eyes from his. I wanted him to trust me, to talk to me, to let me explain.

Camilla had more or less told me that I needed to stop being so secretive and pushy and instead of telling my mate how I felt, I should show him instead. I kind of wished that Camilla had agreed to come here with me. I thought she would have loved to watch me potentially be rejected by my mate but Camilla had crossed her arms and glared at me before refusing to accompany me and stating that I had to do this alone. I knew she was right. Hiding behind her wouldn't solve anything.

"I know sorry doesn't mean anything." I said after a few brutalising moments of silence. "I know words can't take back what I did. I know I lied and I lost all your trust but I want to make it up to you... please?" My tone seemed to hitch in tone, coming across almost pleadingly. I couldn't bare the thought of being rejected. My heart hurt at the thought of it. It was painful in a way i had never felt before. I would rather die then have to live my life without him. 

"I've been a terrible, terrible mate." I said softly. "But I promise I never lied about how I felt for you... it did start out being more of a scheme, but that's changed now." I took a hesitant step forward and felt encouraged when Casper didn't take a matching step back.

He still wasn't smiling, and his eyes still portrayed a level of distant coolness and hurt but it was an improvement.

"I didn't expect to like you as much as I did." I confessed. "When I found out we were mated, I took the whole thing as more of a joke.. all the extra feelings and emotions meant I couldn't stay away from you and I eventually tried to befriend you and I didn't realise how well it could work... until it did." I let out a long breath, my hands tightening at my sides as I felt my cheeks start to heat up with my nervousness. "Just give me a chance to prove myself.... Please?" I kept my voice soft and light. I was sure Casper could see the desperation in my eyes, although whether he'd choose to give me pity was another matter completely.

Casper wordlessly scrutinised me, his eyes narrowing into slits as he seemed to study me carefully, trying to find any hidden meaning in my words. "Nate..." He eventually said, his tone still somewhat cold to match his piercing gaze. "Why did you lie to me?"

I swallowed. I had expected that question.

When I had gone to see Camilla, I had told her almost everything. I told her about how i found out Casper and I were mates, and the plans my parents had conspired to eventually overthrow Casper so I would be Alpha instead. I hadn't told Camilla what these plans had actually involved, but I had told her how it was something we had planned for after Casper turned 18. I made it clear to Camilla that those ideas were my parent's desires, and not mine.

I felt guilt washing through my body once again at the thought of those plans. I felt even worse knowing that I might still have to go through with them... Hailey had threatened to attack my pack if I didn't overthrow Casper for Alpha. It could be argued that Hailey would probably attack us either way, but after Casper's story where he told me he wasn't able to shift properly, I knew that if Hailey attacked us with him in charge she'd probably kill him easily. An Alpha who couldn't properly shift wouldn't do much good in a fight. It made my struggle much harder, as I knew that to protect Casper, I might eventually have to overthrow him anyway. Just so I'd be the one facing Hailey instead if an attack was to occur.