Pills of love

Knowing me, knowing you

Benny opened his eyes and sighed silently, blinking slowly a couple of times, staring at the wall in front of him without actually looking at it. He closed his eyes briefly and then looked up at the alarm clock on the bedside table: 2:47 a. m..

He sighed for the umpteenth time and pulled the covers down so he could have his arms free. Despite the chilly air in the room, he felt like he was suffocating under the heavy duvet and slowly rolled onto his back. He stared at the roof for long moments, thinking and rethinking, touching the fingertips of his right hand with his thumb, an old tic he had had since he first touched his first piano.

He pursed his lips and turned his face to the left, to the still, sleeping figure of his wife who had her back to him. Perhaps out of tiredness, or because he was too distracted, he stared at her silhouette for a long time, hidden under a duvet and heavy sheets.

Feeling the last remnants of sleep abandoning his body, he slowly reached over to the nightstand and took his cell phone. Silently turning it back on and starting to absentmindedly surf the Internet, not looking for anything in particular, but needing to do something in the hope of getting tired enough not to spend another sleepless night. Waking up the next day listless, tired and unnerved by everything and everyone.

He found himself unintentionally browsing music sites, reading articles about new trends and musical instruments. But shortly after he realized that reading at that hour of the night turned into a mistake and the sense of emptiness that he felt several times a day in the center of his chest was strongly felt again.

<<...Did you miss someone so much that you can't help but wonder if they feel it too? Well, you might not be that far off the mark. Strong emotions won't just stay contained in your head, they'll leak out into the outside world... There are several reasons why this happens. One of them is that the universe brought them your feelings and that your dreams were triggered by their own recognition of your desire. Another reason is that you have noticed them unconsciously acknowledging that you are missing...>>.

That advertisement, a lateral excerpt from a web page, while he was reading an article on the new innovations in piano mechanics, caught his attention. Maybe was the black and white colors, maybe the bold letters, but he didn't know why he found himself staring at those words and rereading them over and over again.

Because they made him think of her.

Those few words exuded desire, longing, melancholy.

All of that brought her face to mind quickly. And the now established awareness of missing her was too much. Way too much.

Benny closed the phone almost angrily and pushed the covers off his body. Barefoot and silently, he crossed the bedroom and out into the corridor, making sure his wife hadn't woken up before closing the door behind him.

Almost aimlessly, he wandered through his dim house, guided only by the rays of the bright moon that streamed through the curtains. He stopped in front of one of the windows that looked out onto the river at the back, looking out at the water that seemed almost black in color, calm and silent on that cold Swedish night. Once again, his gaze wandered and he lingered on nothing in particular except the trees moving in the wind, some boats on the water floating by inertia.

He frowned, all that atmosphere that was usually very inspirational to him, at that precise moment only caused him feelings of melancholy and sadness.

He ran a hand wearily over his face, over his tired eyes. God, how long since he had a decent night's sleep? He rested his forehead against the cold glass and sighed, enraptured as he watched the glass steam under his lips.