His | Mine | Ours

Chapter 81 - Lauren's Party: Pt. 1

I sit and have breakfast with the Roberts, listening to them laugh and partake in harmless banter.

The atmosphere was light and playful, and so much joy shined in their eyes. 

Everyone seemed to be happy to be here, to see and be in each other's presence, to be alive. Everyone except me.

Of course, they would try to include me and coax me into conversation, eager for me to share in their excitement.

I force a smile and share a few words here and there. I can't even muster up a laugh.

It feels.....exhausting.

I'm exhausted.

I can't relate to their family merry so I can only sit and watch. I feel like an outsider.

After a long breakfast, everyone wants to play games in the living room, but I'm not up for it. 

I make up an excuse and retire to my room. I really just want to be alone.

I get back into bed and stare at the ceiling again.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Everything feels out of place and out of reach. I can't shake this feeling of being lost.

I turn over onto my side and curl into myself.

Grandma had become my anchor and now she's gone. 

I'm sailing in the middle of nowhere, stuck in a storm with nothing but dark clouds in sight and I'm sinking. I'm struggling to stay afloat.

What can I do grandma?

How can I do it without you?

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Who was Iris Collins before she met you?

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My brows furrow at my aching heart.

I know I'm kidding myself, thinking that this is just about grandma.

Grandma had my heart, but they had my soul. Even worse, I couldn't even control it.

A heartbreaking laugh sounds out of my mouth at the thought.

It wasn't just my heart that was grieving. It was my soul. It's why I feel so empty right now.

I frown and stare into space.

I hate them. And I hate myself even more.

I can't even grieve my grandmother in peace without them ruining everything.

I'm suddenly ridden with guilt and filled with anger.

I want to erase them out of my life. I don't want them to even exist. I don't even want to hear their names or see their faces.

I want them dead to me.

I want to forget them.

My eyes grow heavy and I drift away.

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I-......

I-......

IR-.....

IRI-......

IRIS......

IRIS!