𝐏𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐑 || H.P

𝟕𝟕

Insanity.

Adrian died in my arms, in front of me, for me.

Maybe if I lived up to everyone's expectations, that could've been prevented.

I was numb, hysterical, almost. It wasn't safe to be out here in the middle of open battles, but the guilt ate me alive. I couldn't cry anymore, forcing myself to fulfill his wishes. His limp body became colder by the second, and after a long moment of shock, I closed his eyelids to let him rest.

He's here.

The feeling traveled quickly throughout my body, and as fast as I stood up, I was back on my knees.

"You have fought valiantly... but in vain. I do not wish this. Every drop of magical blood is a terrible waste. I therefore command my forces to retreat. In their absence, dispose of your dead with dignity. Treat your injured."

I shakily raised my hands up to my jacket and wiped the fresh blood off.

"Harry Potter, I speak now directly to you. On this night, you have allowed your friends to die for you rather than face me yourself. There is no greater dishonor. Join me in the forbidden forest and confront your fate. Should you do so I give my word that no other life will be lost on this night. You have one hour."

I couldn't speak, and if I could, I would scream.
-

The injured were placed in the great hall. I had to be there, to tend to them. But, at this point, I wondered how much longer I could bear the scent of open wounds before giving out.

"Miss Shallow! Thank goodness you're here!" McGonagall said, frowning and watching as my red eyes trained down at the dead below us. "Miss Shallow...?"

My throat burned. "Pr- Professor, I can't-"

Her eyes searched around my jacket. "You're bleeding?"

I bit down on my lip, trying to prevent the prickling sensation at the corners of my eyes. I shook my head.

"Listen to me, Shallow." She placed her hands on my shoulders. "You are strong. You never left the trail, the sky fell, but you stayed there."

My lip quivered as I sucked in a breath. That's when I saw the Weasley family, standing over Fred Weasley's body.

"Promise me you will be alright."

My chest was caving. I didn't know where to look. McGonagall was too pained, and everyone else was in dark mourning.

"Alicia!"

I slowly turned around to the person who said my name. My jaw dropped to the floor. "Theo..."

He rushed over to me, pulling me into a hug. "Alicia, it's Daph and Astoria- they need to see you."

I looked back to McGonagall who gave me a curt nod, and followed him to the end of the hall. Daphne sat, leaning against the wall beside Astoria. She looked tired, both of them did. "Alicia!"

I knelt down to face them. Daphne had many scratches on her face, and Astoria had a large gash on her arm. It was minor, but they both looked life threatening to me. I hastily pulled out my potions. "How do you feel? Lightheaded?"

Daphne shook her head. "No, no, we're okay I- are you okay?"

I quickly dropped some Dittany on Astoria's arm. She squeezed her eyes shut and hissed.

"Are there any more? Does it feel-"

"Alicia-"

"I- I can bandage it-"

"Alicia!" Astoria yelped and and I went silent. "What's happened?"

I dropped my gaze and the potion vile shakily. "Adrian's dead." There wasn't a light way to say it, but now that I said it out loud, I felt the tears coming again.

Don't cry.

All three of them gaped at me. Astoria and Daphne gasped, but Theo looked the most hurt. "Pucey?"

I nodded my head, mustering up all my strength to say, "I couldn't save him."

Daphne wrapped her arm around my shoulder as I stuck my face in the palms of my hands. We sat in silence for a while, painfully listening to the people around us sob. I only looked up to the sound of more people entering the great hall.

Ron ran over to his family instantly. He fell onto his knees before his older brother. I exhaled and looked away when they stepped aside, revealing Fred's mangled body. Hermione stepped slowly through the hall, watching everyone in horror. Harry walked towards our little group. "Alicia..." he muttered.

I blinked and glanced down at the cuts on my hands.

He knelt down and grabbed my face. "Look at me, Alicia."

I did, but my tongue went slack. I struggled to even part my lips. What could I say to him?

He kissed me.

He kissed me like the very first time, holding me tightly against himself.

He kissed me like I was a dream, and i'd vanish the second he'd let go.

The world could be crashing upon us, but it was alright because when he kissed me, it felt just right.

And when he pulled back, the world was shattered.

"You're okay..." he mumbled, almost in a way he was trying to convince himself. "I love you."

In my third year, I wondered how those words would sound coming out of his mouth. I've said them so many times in my head, but in front of him, I could only stare.

I love you, too.

"I have for so long, and I had to tell you because..." he paused, wiping my tears away with his thumb.

"Y-you're turning yourself in..." I breathed, and it was the only thing I could say.

He swallowed and kissed my forehead lightly. "I love you, I really really love you."

He's a horcrux.

"H-Harry, please- I just lost A-Adr... I c-can't..." I leaned into his chest, trailing off.

"I have to go," he whispered. He ran his fingers through my hair.

"I love you," I said against the collar of his jacket, clinging onto him. He rose up with a broken expression on his face. When he turned towards the doors of the great hall, I broke down again, letting Daphne pull me closer to her, and letting my tears roll onto her shoulder.

Crying was nothing like the rain, I realized. Rain was calming and light. Crying was heavy and manic. I've been taking the rain storms for granted, just like I have for my life, his life, and everyone in between.