My Brother's Girlfriend || FreenBecky (GG)

Chapter 56

And one day, You said it was for the best, that we needed this distance. You want to continue your master at harvard. Much more far away from me. I nodded as if I agreed, but all I could think about was how much I was going to miss you. I didn't want to admit it, but my heart ached at the thought of you being miles away from me.

You packed your bags, and I helped, even though every fold of your clothes felt like a stab in my chest. I didn't want to let you see how much I was hurting, so I kept busy, trying to hide my trembling hands. That day, i slowly felt like you will be different. But i thought its only my overthinking mindset. Turns out, its true. You're slowly drifted. And slowly, im losing you.

I walked you to the door. We hugged tightly, and I buried my face in your shoulder, trying to imprint your scent in my memory. I whispered that I understood, that I'd be okay, but all I wanted to say was, "Please don't go." | watched you get into the car, and as you drove away, I waved and smiled again. But as soon as your taillights disappeared into the distance, the smile faded, and tears welled up in my eyes.

Why did you have to leave? I forced a smile as you said goodbye, trying to accept you had to walk away, but honestly, it hurt.

I didn't know that this is the start where i lose you.

I remember that day so clearly, the day you walked out that door, clumsy and messy while rubbing your nape. You had that look in your eyes, like you were searching for something else, something beyond what we had. I didn't understand it then, but I do now. You needed to find yourself, or maybe you just needed to get away from me.

I remember the way your voice cracked as you said those words. Those words that you forgot to pick up my dress. You looked into my eyes, and I could see the conflict in yours. You glance to our moms, a little loose and empty. From that moment, i know. I know i already lose you.

I wanted to hold you back, to beg you not to go, but I knew it wouldn't change anything. So, I just smiled, a weak smile that hid the storm inside me, saying to you that its okay. Im okay with it. And yes, that time, im okay with it. I dont even think that i disappointed of it. And that time, i want to courage you that we will be okay. We. We will be okay.

Slowly, you're just like how i expected, and actually i scared so much. Slowly, you walk away from me. You forgot about me, about us, and this become much more painful and obvious when auntie is gone. Your mom, and also my auntie. She's gone. Its hurts me too, and i know, this hurting you so much more that its hurting me.

I want to tell you. I want to tell you that i will wait for you, and im here to hear any your whimpers. But, you're not thinking the same and you keep pushing me. I dont know, and i was stunned. Why pushing me away as if im a trash? Why rebecca? This is not what i want. This is not what i want to  happen.

And that night, i could see how your red eyes were empty. Its shaky, and uneasy when our bodies swaying to the songs and hands holding each other. That night too, when you're asking me to talk outside, the feelings of terrified rushing to my nerves. Im scared. Im afraid. Im afraid if we talk at the outside and the last thing you will said is "Let's broke up."

Im scared.

But the moment you drag me to the outside, your eyes. Your face. Your body languages. Your everythings. Everythings looks like as if you're begging to me to run away from you. You looks like someone that hates me, and your eyes dont even want to stares to me as if my eyes will sway your decision.

"All I have done today is disappoint you"

That's what you said. And yes, you disappoint me. But my love for you is much more bigger than those useless disappointed feelings. I want to fixed our relationships. I want to hold you back at the moment rebecca. But seeing how your eyes and actions saying that you dont want, its hurting me. I understand you but what about me? i always set aside my own feelings just to understand your situation but i don't think i can do that anymore.

"You didn't even want to fight for our love."

That's what i think at the moment. And just like what you want, we broke up. We Broke Up. The three words that i wish its not even wrote in our relationship's dictionary. How can i love you changed to lets broke up? why can't you at least be gentle with my heart? is letting go were always be the only solution? why? why is it so easy for you to dump this love?

Throwing the necklace that you gave to me, my favourite necklace. Its the last thing i could think of. But yeah, i did it. I run away in wet, bumping onto billy while crying makes he already know what was happening. And that day, after all days without you, I can't stop the pain from gnawing at me every day.

I went back inside, and the silence in our home was deafening. Your absence hung in the air like a heavy cloud.
The empty spaces you used to fill with your laughter and warmth echoed with loneliness.The days after you left were like a slow descent into darkness. I couldn't escape the memories of us, of the way we used to be. I would sit by the window, staring out at the world, but really, was just staring at the past. Our past.

I tried to go on with my life, but everything felt different. My heart longed for you every day, and the nights were the worst. I would lie in our bed, staring at the empty space beside me, wishing you were there to hold me close.
I missed the way you used to surprise me with little things, the way you knew exactly what to say to make me smile, and the way we used to talk about our dreams late into the night. It felt like a part of me was missing, and no amount of pretending could fill the void and make the pain go away.

I wished you knew just how much I was hurting, how much I missed you, and how much I wanted you to come back. And now here I am, everyday, standing alone on that same empty road where you left me, this time, still holding onto the hope of you returning. The pain is still there, hidden behind the smile I wear for the world, a smile that conceals the emptiness, the loneliness, and the unspoken agony of being left behind by the one I loved so much.

Its hurting me rebecca. After all this days, i still love you so much and the love will never change to loved. I wish you coming back into my arms, kissing me slowly just like how we always do. I miss you. So much.

Why im still waiting for you when you might didn't think of me at all?

Rebecca. The owner of my heart.