My Brother's Girlfriend || FreenBecky (GG)

Chapter 59

But, one day,

my head and mind turn black. I felt like i was in a trapped box when mom gone. I was so hurting. And with my cancer, i was struggling so bad. And yes, just like how you read, i have cancer. Brain cancer or tumours. I got to know it before i move to harvard.

"I had to leave"

Those three words echo in my head like a never-ending storm. It wasn't a choice I wanted to make, but life doesn't always give me what we want. It wasn't easy, you know. Leaving someone I love, it's like tearing out a piece of my own heart and leaving it behind. It felt like my heart was tearing apart, piece by piece, as walked away. It's a gut-wrenching pain that lingers long after I've walked away. I wanted to stay, to hold on to what we had, but life had other plans for me.

Leaving you ,  is like breaking a part of myself. It's not just the physical distance that separates us; it's the emotional space that widens with every step I take away. see your face, your smile, your laughter in my mind, and it's both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because those memories are precious, but a curse because they haunt me, reminding me of what I've lost.

I remember the way your eyes pleaded with me, silently begging me not to go. It's a look I'll never forget, one that's etched into my soul. But let's be real. Sometimes, love isn't enough. Sometimes, circumstances force us to say goodbye, and it's the hardest thing we'll ever do.

By then, leaving means missing out on all the little things that made my heart skip a beat--the way you tucked a loose strand of my hair behind my ear, the sound of your laughter when you told a joke, the way you laughed at my terrible jokes, the warmth of your hand in mine on a cold night, and the shared dreams that once felt so real.

It means walking away from the future we had planned together, the one we could almost touch but now feels like a distant dream. It's the ache of knowing that I won't be there to share in your joys, to wipe away your tears, or to hold you close when you need it most.

And then there's the reality of it all. Leaving means facing the loneliness that follows like a relentless shadow. It's the empty side of the bed, the silence at the dinner table, and the ache in my chest when I hear a song that reminds me of you. It's the constant wondering of what you're doing, who is you're with, and whether you're thinking of me too. It's the late-night phone calls that become my lifeline, the messages that bridge the gap but can never replace a hug or a Kiss.

Leaving you is like tearing apart a piece of my own story. It's watching my heart shatter into a million pieces, knowing that no amount of glue can put it back together the same way. It's knowing that may never find someone who makes me feel the way you did, even though I had to leave.

But the most painful part, the one that never truly fades, is the truth that I made a choice. A choice to follow my own path, my own dreams, and in doing so, I left you behind. It's a wound that never truly heals, a scar that serves as a constant reminder of the sacrifice i made. So, I had to leave, and the pain of it is something l'll carry with me for the rest of my life. It's a pain that's never forgotten, a wound that never fully heals. Leaving you is a brutal, heartbreaking reality that no one talks about, but it's a reality that not only I have to face.

1 once thought that the hardest part was losing you. But later, I realized that it wasn't. Because, for me, the hardest part was learning to live without you.

I still remember that first time when you reached out and held my hand. It's etched in my memory, a fragment of time when everything fell into place, bringing a sense of lucidness to the world around me.

It happened two year ago when you just stepped into my life, marking the beginning of my expedition into the realm of love. You became my first love, the person who added effervescent hues to the otherwise monochrome skies that hung above me. But love, as l've come to realize, is a cruel artist, sketching scenes of beauty only to erase them with the passage of time. The vivid colors that once beautified my world have now faded, leaving behind a palette of muted shades that mirror the somber reality of our story.

Its no one false after all. Its me. Its my decision.

And then, i saw you again after the distance. I didn't look straight to your face, i tried my best to ignore you but I know, i know you're couraging me that day when i keep forgot about you, about us. You couraging me as if you're telling me that you're happy with me when im this mess. I still remember that day, freen. Its fresh. Your eyes, your hands cupping my cheeks, your kiss on my cheeks and lips, its still hot and i even thought i still have those marks.

You're not wrong in this aspect, freen. Its me.

That night, i was shaking. I was battling with my mind. If this a good decision? When seeing your eyes that teary and glassy, i somehow regret to drag you outside of the villa that time. When you said those words.

Those broke up words. I thought i will felt relieve because this is what i was thinking to do before this. But im wrong. The only thing that i could do is, staring how you run away while holding your soft purple dress, crying hardly because of me. That night suppose to be your happy night, but i turned it to a nightmare.

I want to walk away, thinking it would fix the hurt, but turns out, it's like a bruise that just won't heal. It's been a carousel of emotions, spinning in the same circle, never letting me off, leaving me dizzy with regret and longing.

That time, I believed that letting go would free me from the chains of a love that had turned into a heavy burden, one that suffocated more than it embraced. So, with a heavy heart, I made the decision to walk away, believing it to be a necessary act of survival. Little did I know that the supposed cure would birth a new kind of agony in my chest, an empty that seemed to expand with each passing day, serving as a never-ending reminder that some wounds are stubborn, refusing to take notice of the call of closure.

Now, here I am, shrouded in the crushing silence that I, in my own making, cast upon us. Each passing moment begs me to revisit the decision that, back then, appeared as the only logical choice. The resonance of your laughter, now reduced to mere echoes, reverberates in the corners of my mind. Like a restless soul, I trace the fading outlines of our shared memories, my heart yearning for the touch of something that, with the cruel passage of time, has slipped through my fingers like grains of sand. I miss you so much.

I miss you so much and even more hardly after our break up. I cries almost every night. I yearn for you. I want to see you. I want to kiss you, hugs you and tell you how much im missing you. But in my condition, i can't. I dont want to make you disappointed again.

To be honest i felt your presence but i chose to pretend like i didn't saw you. if there's something I can do to turn back the time, i would do it in a blink of an eye. i still love you, even tho "us" already ended.

I miss you so much. But this is for the best.