My Brother's Girlfriend || FreenBecky (GG)

Chapter 58

REBECCA'S BOOK

Letters for you. Freen Sarocha Chankimha.

Firstly, i dont even know if i should be writing you, if this allowed. I hope its allowed.I hope you dont throw this away without even opening this book because if you do, you'll miss out on something. Something very important for me, you and us. Okay, fine, or something that was once very important. To you.

This is weird, writing to you like this, as i think... i never wrote to someone like this before. Haha, but for you. Oh, i wrote this when we're already broke up. Oh. We broke up :") Its sad right? I never thought i will broke up with you. And i wrote this expecting that i will lessen my missing towards you. But im wrong. I missing you much more when i wrote this.

You know what?

The first day on summer when i meet you. Again. My heart thumping out loud, my lips shaky and my hands get cold. I was keep cursing in my mind, telling my eyes not to stares to you for too long but i can't. My eyes keep wanting to stares to you. My eyes keep wanting to see you. As if they were being controlled by their own. And that day, my heart keep telling me to beat for you.

From the start, i can't get my mind straight when i see you. You're often smiling and i wish that you're not smiling that much when you're with someone else. I wish that you're smiling only with me. I wish those smiles were only for me! How greedy and selfish i am right?

Yes. Im greedy. Im selfish. I want you to do all that things only for me. Smiles, stares, giggles, touchy, clingy... only to me. And sometimes you did it. But how stupid i am, i push you away for the sake of my own egoes. Yes, im selfish. Im doing that for me. But everytime you went to me, i fall down. I can't keep my egoes so high. I can't keep the wall thick. Its all fall down like a cotton candy. Sweet. I let my guards down when it comes to you.

Im sorry.

Freen, i didn't know what i should tell you. Its funny. Its funny when you're telling me that night that you dont like people who are smoking and i quickly quit smoking because of you. Funny right? Its funny when i willingly to wake up at 5:00 in the morning only to wait for the pie's cafe that day only to buy you the blueberry pie since you didn't get a chance to eat it yet and the cafe only open at the morning that day.

Its funny. I do everythings for you without you knowing and without i know by my own self. Tch. I know everythings about you, freen. When richie said you want to eat apple pie, i was scoffing without thinking. How can im not scoffing? He literally much more closer with you than i am but he didn't even know your favourite pie?

And he didn't even know your favourite gummy.

The day we kissed, its like a fireworks attack my visions and my inner mind and body. I flinched, cold, numb and shivering. The moment your lips collide to mine, i could not describe anything. My mind was blank, my hands want to hold you, and my heart wanting it more. It feels like a dream. I dont know. I couldn't describe it but the only things you need to know is,

I weak when it comes to you. I want you more started from that day.

Day by day, i hate seeing you with other man. I hate seeing you with whoever you're going date with. And i hate seeing you with my own brother. It supposed to be me. I was the one that should be your date. I was the one that should drive you around. And i was the one that should make you laugh like that.

But, knowing how messed up myself that time, i wont let you get into my life. I wont let you experiencing what i am experiencing right now. I wont let you struggle with me. The only things that i want is, seeing you happy even thought its means not with me, i will let it.

But slowly, you courage me to accept you. You telling me how you love me, and your eyes. Your eyes makes me trembling. Your eyes likely to begging me to stay with you. That night too, you allow me to touch you. The kisses, the hugs, your voices and your whimpers ringing in my ears. Its my favourite song all this time. That night, i burried it into the most safe, beautiful and deep into my mind and heart. Its perfectly safe with me, freen.

Those memories with you, its the happiest days.

Day by day, Finally, you're mine. And during the days which turn to months with you, you're the best supporter that i ever had. The best girlfriend, the best person, the best,gorgeous, great and amazing woman in my life.

When we're in relationship, i still remember how you always reassuring me, couraging me, and supporting me in every aspect. You become my first reason why i still pursuing my study and still living here today. I still remember how you will run to me with full of snacks inside your hands, only to cheer me up when im sad, how you will make me smile with your silly jokes and random kisses, how you hold my cold hands tightly when im feeling lonely showing how you dont want me to feel that im alone, and how you always giving your shoulder when im tired.

I still remember that freen. Vividly. Gosh, im crying when writing this for you. But make sure you wont cry okay. Baby? Baby, those calling names you gave me. God, i want to hear it again for the last time, but i couldn't. Its okay, i already captured it into the bottom of my memories. I remember it still.

But, Everythings got messed up when i got to know a bad news about myself. A news that you didn't even think it will be there. A news that might killing you when you know this. And i think... when the moment you read this book, that's mean this is the time where you know about this. But not right now, at the end of the book okay? Keep reading if you want to know :"p

Freen, i was trying to tell you everything. I was trying to let you think you're special to me by saying everythings that coming into my mind. But, i can't. I cant. I can't even let you struggle just the same as how i struggle. Its hurts, and bad. I broke down many times and i dont want you too.

I'm trying but how could i ever love you the way you wanted when i'm here struggling and messed up with those silent battles i need to overcome. Im afraid that i just might lose you in the middle of my battles when i told you. But that's not the main point. My main point is,

I dont want you to struggle with me. I just want you happy. I just want my love ones to be happy all the time. And i couldn't give that happiness.