Insulting Comparisions

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You're taking longer to get here than Snape takes to say his speech in the Deathly Hallows.

You're about as calm as movie Dumbledore asking Harry if he put his name in the Goblet of Fire

You look worse than Bellatrix after she spent over a decade in Azkaban

You're about as exciting as Professor Binns talking about Goblin Riots

You look like you just got hit by the Whomping Willow

Even Crabbe and Goyle could do that better than you

The only person who would date you is the giant squid

I take that back, not even the giant squid would date you

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