Fighting for our Future {TWD Daryl Dixon}

72: Tense Girls Trip

Soph, Sasha, Jesus and I all made our way back to the Hilltop and alerted Maggie and Glenn as to what the current situation is. All of my life I had seen movies where people were hiding, on the run, or in a witness protection program of some sort. Who would've thought that would turn into my life. 

Daryl spent one day at the Kingdom. Yes you heard that right, ONE DAY. After his very short stay at the Kingdom he decided to come back to the Hilltop to be with the kids and I, but to also get ready for this war we are starting.

When Daryl got back he did tell me something interesting about his time in the Kingdom though. Apparently when my mental red flag alert was going off from Richard, I was right. Richard wanted Daryl's help taking out some Saviors, but Daryl soon found out that Richard's plan was to kidnap Gwendolyn and pin the blame on her, stating that if the King has someone he deeply cares about captured by the Saviors, he'll be more likely to help. 

Apparently Daryl punched him for even suggesting it.

Over the past few days, Daryl and I have been trying to find some kind of normalcy for us again. I want to be able to just jump right into his arms and forget about everything that happened to us at the Sanctuary. But I can't. Everytime I think I might finally be at a stage where I'm okay, I'm reminded of what happened to me.

Would I say what happened to me at the Sanctuary was forced? No, not really. Because at the end of the day I did have a choice. I could have went back to that cell with Daryl. But I knew Daryl needed me out there. However as one of Negan's wives he didn't really give us an option. It was either have sex with him or be a prisoner, or maybe even dead. I think he knew with me though that I didn't really care what happened to me, so whenever I refused he'd threaten to hurt Daryl and Seb. He knew threatening them would make me do whatever he wanted. So maybe it wasn't forced, but it wasn't actually voluntary either.

I think what I'm most afraid of is that Daryl won't see me the same as he always has. He was forced to watch as Negan touched me and kissed me. From the few times we were in the same room at the Sanctuary he had to see me completely break down and become someone I'm not. I'm scared that after all this time he'll finally see me as the girl that is just too damaged, and leave me. 

If I could make Negan pay for everything he did to me and my family, I would do it in a heartbeat. He deserves to die.

As of right now, I'm with the twins. Well, the twins and Daryl. I'm holding onto Theodore while he's cradling Avalon in his arms. I asked Glenn to back off a little when we're with our children for a while since the twins need to readjust to being with us everyday. I don't need their first words to be 'Mama Glenn'.  

It's pretty late at night and I'm singing the kids to sleep. "Where the North wind meets the sea. There's a river full of memory. Sleep, my darling, safe and sound. For in this river, all is found...In her waters, deep and true. Lie the answers and a path for you. Dive down deep into her sound. But not too far or you'll be drowned... Yes, she will sing to those who'll hear. And in her song, all magic flows. But can you brave what you most fear? Can you face what the river knows?... Where the North wind meets the sea. There's a mother full of memory. Come, my darling, homeward bound. When all is lost, then all is found."

When the twins were both peacefully sleeping in our arms, Daryl took Theo from me and placed both babies in the crib across the room. As I was covering myself with a blanket and about to lay down, Daryl sat at the end of the bed staring at me.

"Yes? May I help you?" I questioned him.

"Mae, we need to-"

*KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.*

I groaned when I heard the knocks on our bedroom door, wanting to know who the hell would want to talk at this hour. I stared at Daryl and held my hand out to the door. "It's for you."