My venting book + Stories(?)

My Summer (August 12th, 2024)

Disclaimer: This is really long (over 1,000 words)

Heyy so it's been a while since I've updated this weird thing I created in like 2022 to vent to myself and the random 10 people that still read this. Anyways I've done absolutely nothing this Summer (except for the Trilogy Tour but now that Melanie is being accused AGAIN I don't really wanna brag about it until proven innocent) if y'all want the lore (or my opinion) then I can do it but I lowkey wanna make a YouTube Channel for this kind of thing where I cover topics with my own opinions and also try to showcase my art?? Tho I kinda give up on art now because I hate mine so much and nobody actually likes or cares about it.

But yeah, my mom got a surgery and went on a diet so that's the main reason why I didn't do anything. I didn't even see any of my friends or go anywhere for the summer. But I lost like all of my friends. Technically I lost them on the last day of school but I'm pretty sure I never talked about it on here.

I think it'll be better to tell that story when I tell you about my bullies last year bc holy shit there's so much I need to tell y'all about last school year and not to mention how I'm going back to school in literally a day or two. But for now I'll talk about some situations going on. Hmm let's start with my worry for school since I think that'll be the shortest? Maybe.

I'm actually so terrified to go back to school because of my PTSD with the people there. Y'all don't understand how much my bullies have taken a toll on my mental health over the past 3 years and I'm not dealing with it again this year (as in I'm gonna kms). I'm like not even joking because my mental health has been so bad FOR YEARS and nobody cares. But I have goals in life unlike them and I'll live just to spite them so don't worry too much about me. So I just found out today that my HighSchool made a new rule today that we can't even go on ANY electronic devices on campus. But they'll let us go on the computers they gave us which is still kinda useless bc they blocked like everything, including some of the websites we need for school and even some Google searches. To clarify they blocked us from searching up "girls" but didn't block "boys" and my friends and I are not letting that go, tho that was in middle school so it probably changed. They also blocked a website where you just used flash cards?? Like it was a website to study flash cards for exams and they blocked it?!

Erm anyways, to one of my friend situations. In February I was added to a gc on Instagram (bc I asked to so it was with consent ofc) and I made friends with so many people that honestly helped me through my freshman year. This was during like the climax of my bullying situation so I trauma dumped and got advice and support from my online friends. Then some drama happened with one of my friends over a joke and caused another friend of mine to get angry and we haven't spoke ever since but the friend who originally got offended is still my friend. But that's not the focus of this story I'm telling right now (unless y'all want more lore about my online friends).

Anyways to kinda take my mind off the loss of two of my friends I left the big gc which i apparently did right before people invited like 20 others but idk what happened to the gc after, but I left the gc and made my own for two of my bestest friends in that gc. Now a few months later I started dating some guy irl at my school which I'll get into that story some other time. At the same time tho I was platonically dating one of those friends from my online gc. Then a few weeks later my bf broke up with me and I slowly realized I was getting a crush on my online friend. Erm I'll call my online crush Cake, kinda weird if you don't know the context/backstory but it fits so go with it. Also I just remembered a month ago I gave my Wattpad to my online friends for some reason?? So if y'all see this, y'all know.

So a little backstory to Cake, or at least what I know about her. Cake, is a female. A religious female. Cake is a Muslim female. BUT!! She was always saying how she might be bisexual and saying how girls are attractive. And I thought was against her religion but alright. The last thing the said about her sexuality before we left each other tho was that she was lesbian. Erm anyways we were platonically dating and would send those cute couple reels saying "uss!!" And cute shit like that and I lowkey meant it. Anyways I confessed and she rejected me and it made it awkward. I'll tell y'all the full story in case one of my online friends sees this and takes sides.

I confessed, got rejected, quickly tried to avert the topic and said "just forget it. Forget I even said anything" and she dropped it...for two minutes. Literally a few seconds later she went right back to sending me those couple reels and made my heart heart more like bro we JUST talked about this. Erm giving a bit more context, before I confessed I tried giving her MAJOR hints and stuff and she was like "tell me who it is omg!!" And I was like no but decided to make a fake character that had some characteristics of her but wasn't exactly like her. Like I kept her personality but made her a Christian girl at my school that I had a crush on, she still found out tho. Erm anyways back to when I confessed. She asked if I needed space and that's when I said to just forget it. Like I get I said to forget I confessed and didn't answer her question of giving me space but you just rejected me when I confessed to you don't continue sending me those couple reels right after the fact.

Erm I tried to get back into sending each other those reels as the time went by and that's when my Trilogy tour was coming up and I was busy painting and sewing the pants for the concert so I wasn't able to talk to anyone online much but it probably made it look bad because this was right after the confession situation and I basically just accidentally ghosted Cake and everyone. And that's why I posted that one chapter about the Trilogy Tour, which I think is the chapter right before this one. Our conversations slowly got awkward until we just eventually kinda stopped talking for a day or two and then she asked me "do you still wanna be friends?". Cake was probably one of my ONLY friends at this point ever since the last day of school and she's honestly so fucking talented and nice and I lowkey wanted to be like her. So obviously assuming the worse, I thought she was making the first move of not wanting to be friends which she kinda did and I said "idk do you want to be?" And she said "are you serious right now?!" So yeah I realized after that I kinda messed up but I didn't think. I like literally never think before I type and that's probably why I make zero sense most time and have so many typos (my apologies if there are a lot of typos). Anyways my reaction was just "I just need some space" and that was three weeks ago and we haven't interacted since. The only "interaction" we have is her stalking my stories occasionally.

I don't wanna put myself in the victim light, that I realized I may or may not have been doing all these years of me venting, but I don't know who's in the wrong here. Is there even someone in the wrong? I feel like it's human nature for when telling their side of the story they wanna portray themselves as victims or at least more innocent than the person they're dissing (not to saying I'm dissing Cake bc I'm not). It's just that me and Cake haven't spoke in three, maybe even four weeks and I miss talking to her but we are clearly not on good terms but I want to be. Of course I have my other online friends which I might just get into my online friends and my personal beef with some of them or like talk about our dynamics.

Did y'all remember when I said I made my own gc with my two biggest friends? (Cake and another girl, I'll just refer to her as Ying because she goes by a few names and also has a oc but I don't really wanna use her ocs name) Anyways Ying doesn't know about mine and Cake's falling about and still sends stuff in the gc, probably to keep it alive but like it's so awkward bc it's just a bc of us three and 2/3 people in that bc are not on the best terms and Ying keeps sending goofy videos TwT

Anyways that's it, I promise I'll get to that bully story soon but that's also a very long story so I'll do that whenever I have free time and can remember it. To the people reading this, should I try to make amends with Cake? What should I even say to her like it's been four weeks since we last spoke and the last thing we said was "I just need some space" "alright" LIKE WHAT DO I SAY?! I still wanna be friends with Cake but, HOW. Anyways have a nice day/night!!! Love yourselves!!!