Do I really need to go to work today? Yeah, I know I always complain about it, especially since what happened, but today is different. I sigh, trying not to look at the store on the other side of the street, but I fail. It was the flower shop I used to go when I wanted to buy something to her, in specific roses, her favorite flower, and now it's just an annoying reminder of how stupid I'm being nowadays.
I should have left the apartment already, but I can't find anything comfortable like that one, or at least that's what I tell myself. Maybe I'm just postponing the time of saying goodbye. There are memories in there. Memories of her, with some of her stuff that she didn't even care to get back.
My tie feels tighter than normally. I'm feeling tense. I should quit this job, but it's the only way I can see her. I used to love the fact that she is my workmate. Jokes on me, I didn't think it would be a problem later.
-Good morning. – I say to my workmates in the office, but she doesn't even look at my face. Not that I would expect something else since we broke up, and especially today on Valentine's Day.
I start my work, trying to focus, but then a delivery man arrives at our place.
-Deliver to Mrs. Y/n. – He says, and she gasps seeing a bouquet of roses in his hand.
Her friends gasp loudly too, gathering around her in giggles, jumping with excitement as I roll my eyes. I know she is dating another person for some time now, but seeing her receiving flowers in front of my face makes my blood boil. Coming back to her table, next to mine, she puts the flowers beside her with a lovely smile on her lips. Her friends leave to grab a coffee, and she turns her computer on to start her work. I should keep my mouth shut, but somehow, my jealousy spoke louder.
-Why are you making such a big deal about the roses? I used to give them to you too. – I say, and she scoffs, turning to look at me.
-So what? The past is past. Now Phillip gives me flowers. – She says, shrugging, and I sigh, trying to control myself.
-He gives you flowers, but he is not even here to celebrate with you, so it's not really worth it. – I say, not looking at her, pretending I was working with the many papers in my hands. I know she will be angry, but at least her attention is on me for a little time.
-He is on a work trip. He would be here if he could. And you know what? I don't have to explain myself to you. – She says, and I smirk, noticing that I still can affect her at some point.
-Work trip my ass. I always dropped work to spend Valentine days with you. – I say, rolling my eyes. Why does she force herself so much to try to defend this guy? She should have someone who treats her as a queen. Like I used to treat her.
-Oh, now I get it. You're just trying to prove you're better than anyone again. You and your ego, Jaehyun. As usual. – She says, and I turn around, glaring at her.
-It's not my ego. You loved our Valentine days, and you know that. You always looked forward for it because you knew I would give you dozens of roses, just for us to make love for hours after. – I say, and she widens her eyes, slapping me on my arm.
-Shut. Up! – She says, looking around to see if someone heard it. – I told you to stop talking about what we had. We are done! It's over!
-Then why do you not tell him? – I ask, and she frowns confused.
-Tell him what? – She asks back.
-That I'm your ex. – I say, and she sighs.
-Because it's nothing important. I don't think about it anymore, so no reason for me to talk about it with him. – She says, and I look at her with half closed eyes.
-You're lying. – I get closer to her, speaking in a whisper. – You don't want to tell him because you know he would ask you to move away from me, and that's not what you want. – I say, and she tries to contradict me, but no words come out of her mouth. – You're still in love with me, Y/n. I know you think about us, because what we had was the deepest connection you could ever have with someone. You miss me, but you don't want to admit. But it doesn't matter anymore. I'm leaving. – I say, and she frowns again.
-What do you mean? – She asks seeing me standing up.
-I will quit my job here. – I say, and she stands up too.
-What? Why? – She asks, and I look at her again.
-Because I just keep this trashy job because you are here, but this won't go anywhere. I can't move on if I'm next to you. I feel like I'm six feet down when I see you. – I say, and she gulps, deviating her eyes of mine.
-You're kidding, right? You wouldn't leave like that. You never did that before. – She asks as I stare at her eyes deeply.
-I'm very serious, Y/n. It can't stay like this. I already gave my dismiss letter to our boss. I will just give you one more chance and then it's over. – I say, and she looks at my eyes. – You know where. I will be waiting for you tomorrow night. It will be the last time. If you don't show up, I won't see you ever again. – I say, and I see her expression changing to a shocked one.
-This is ridiculous, Jaehyun! You know I won't show up! Stop acting so recklessly! That's why we broke up! - She says impatiently.
-Think I got it bad then. - I say, and she remains silent.
Our eyes stare at each other as we breath heavily. She is at the edge to say something, but she is holding herself back. Tell me what you're thinking. Confess to me your desires.
Her mouth opens, starting to say something, but the office's door opens in a burst as our workmates walk in talking loudly. She turns her face away, fixing some papers in her desk, pretending she wasn't talking to me. I groan, resting my hands on my chair. That's so frustrating.
-Thought I was good for you, but turns out I was far from it. - I say, and she pauses, not looking at me. I could feel gazes on us, probably noticing the tense air, but I couldn't care less. - I hope that his roses are enough for you now. - I say and take my jacket, leaving the office as whispers follow me behind.
Now that I think about it, were they all lies? The things you said, how you loved me. What did you feel when I was making plans for us? Did you laugh at me in your thoughts? Was it your intention since the beginning to quit me like a cigarette? Maybe I was just too blind to see the real you, even by now.
I hate it. I hate how much I gave myself just for her to throw everything away. And I hate the fact that I want her back even so, that I can't let go of her. She is everywhere. She is on my apartment. She is on the red roses at the flower shop. She is on the red dress she used to wear. She is on the red blood flowing in my veins making me sick, k1lling me inside out.
Even after years of valentines. You still trigger me.
