Timeless: Tayvis Oneshots

listen before i go

TW

but don't worry, i made it a happy ending because i don't want you guys to yell at me until i make a part 2 that fixes it

Taylor's POV

The city's sparkling beneath my feet as I swung them over the side of the roof, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

I didn't know how long I'd been sitting there, but I'd watched the sunset come and go and it was now almost pitch dark. Stars speckled the cloudless sky paired with the sliver of the smallest phase of the moon, which was about how I felt. Only tiny pinpricks of light made me feel at all like I could see. And even then, I wasn't sure.

"I thought I might find you here."

"Well it's the only place I go." I mumbled to myself, not looking over as my boyfriend sat down next to me, hung his legs over the roof, and put his arm around my shoulders. 

"Were you going to jump?" Travis asked.

"Not this time." I said like always, resting my head on his shoulder. Travis kissed my hair, pulling me close and a little further back from the edge. I always thought about doing it, but I'd never gotten too close. Yeah, I always sat on the edge, but I'd never inched too close. Travis knew that.

He sat with me for a while, and I knew he was holding onto me tight for my own security. I'd never tried to end my life, but he knew I'd come close a few times, closer than he could ever handle. I understood that. 

I'd never intended for someone to fall in love with me when I was struggling like. Travis hadn't been part of the plan, but here we were.

"Why don't you come to bed baby?" Travis asked after a while.

"Mhm." I didn't really feel like moving, but I knew I'd sit there for hours if Travis didn't get me back inside. My skin was already pebbled with goosebumps. 

"Come on." Travis nudged me, and I sighed and let him get me to my feet. I knew I shouldn't worry him like this, so I took his hand and followed him back inside. "You hungry?"

"No."

"Thirsty?"

"No."

"Tired?"

"No."

"Baby." Travis turned me around with his hands on the sides of my arms. "I'm worried about you. You're spending a lot of time up there and I know you haven't been eating. What's going on? I thought we were doing better."

"We were." I mumbled, hanging my head in shame. It always felt like he was telling me off even though Travis had drilled into my head time and time again that he wasn't, that he wanted to help. "And now we're not."

"Do you know why?"

"Nope." I popped the p, trying to make this lighter, but Travis pressed his lips together. "I'm just...worn out I guess." I reached up, touched his jaw and stroked my fingers against his stubble. "I'm okay."

Travis just nodded, trusting me. I nodded back, and then he was pulling me closer, burrowing his face into my neck as we stood there. I felt a twinge of guilt at how tightly he hugged me, how sincerely he whispered the words 'I love you' against my skin, and I hugged him back as tight as I could as I thought about the bottle of pills hidden away inside my tampon box. The pills I planned to take.

I loved Travis, I really did. He was the love of my life but I wasn't sure I was the love of his, because what kind of love of someone's life could I ever be? I was messed up. I was broken. I wasn't meant for this and I had to do something about it. Travis would miss me, I wasn't an idiot, but he'd find happiness.