Timeless: Tayvis Oneshots

call my name (excerpt)

set after the epilogue

Taylor's POV

"Hi pretty baby." I crooned to Em, my sweet daughter, who I still couldn't believe was real. "Hi!" I giggled, nuzzling my nose against hers as she let out a happy baby squeal.

God, I couldn't believe she had my eyes. Em was so beautiful, with a soft dusting of Travis' brown hair on her head and a sweet round face. She was a little small, but Kylie pumped for breastmilk and gave it to us every other day, and Em was growing quickly on it.

Kylie had given us the best gift we ever could have asked for. Our sweet girl was happy, healthy, and so so loved. Travis and I had been in this newborn bliss phase for the last few weeks, staying home with Em to soak up parenthood. Things were a little rocky sometimes, but honestly, we were doing good.

"You are so cute." I murmured, peppering Em with little kisses as she gazed into my eyes. Then her face screwed up, and she started to cry. "Oh my sweet baby girl." I crooned, tucking her close to my chest and cuddling her as I rocked backwards and forwards a little. 

I rocked Em for a few minutes before deciding that wasn't going to work. She must need something, so I got up and bounced her gently down to her nursery. I checked if she needed changed, but she didn't, so I offered her the little nub of one of the tops of her bottles. Sometimes when I wasn't sure if she was hungry, I'd just try her with one and see if she took it, and then I'd make her a bottle. But she wasn't interested. She just kept crying.

"Oh sweet girl, what do you need?" I crooned, cupping the back of her head as I bounced very gently up and down. I could feel my own panic starting to rise, which I wasn't happy about. Normally Travis would be here to calm me down and help, but he was out with something urgent at work and wouldn't be back until late. It was just me and Em.

Fighting tears of my own, I rocked Em as she wailed. Her little cries cut right through my heart since I hated to hear my little baby distressed. But I just didn't know what she needed. What else could I do? 

I started to spiral as Em cried and cried and cried. And I swore I tried everything. I tried walking her outside for some fresh air, but that didn't work. I tried to put her down to sleep, tried to feed her again, changed her diaper and her sleepsuit, and rocked her again and again and again. But nothing worked, and I was soon in tears. I didn't know what to do.

I was a bad mother. Surely I was. That was the only explanation to this. I was a bad mother.

By the early hours of the morning, I was sitting in the rocking chair next to Em's cot. She was still crying, and one of my hands was reached through the bars of her cot to try and soothe her, but she just lay there and wailed. Tears were running silently down my cheeks, and had been for a long time. It had been hours. What was wrong?

"I'm so sorry sweet girl, I'm trying." I sobbed, putting my head into my hand and trying to wipe my tears. "I'm sorry. I wish I could make things better."

Em hiccupped in-between cries, and I couldn't help but get to my feet and reach into her cot to pick her up again. She scrunched up as I held her close, still wailing fitfully. Was I just that bad of a mom?

Eventually though, she cried herself to sleep, probably just from pure exhaustion. I put Em down and backed out of her nursery the second I could, absolutely shattering to pieces. But I had to be quiet, otherwise I'd wake her up.

Tears clouding my vision, I found my phone and tried to text Travis, but I couldn't even see what I was typing. So I called him instead, knowing he might be asleep, but he'd always have time for me.

But for the first time, my call went to voicemail. That broke me even more so I crawled into bed crying, balling up and soaking my pillow with tears. I just cried, feeling so alone and useless. God, I was such a bad mother.