Timeless: Tayvis Oneshots

one last letter

To my Taylor,

Hi my baby girl. If you're reading this, it's finally happened. And I know how much you'll cry, but I hope one day you'll be able to dry your tears and lift up your chin because I know how strong you are. You've always been the stronger of us two, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

I'm writing this on December 15th, and baby girl I'm so glad I made it to your birthday. That's all I wanted to do, and I'm glad I did. Growing up from silly teenagers with you was the best decision I'd ever made in my life, and now we're almost thirty. Well, you're almost thirty. I know I won't make it that far, but I know you'll think about me on the day I would turn thirty, and I know there's no point telling you not to bother. You're a birthday obsessed girl and you always will be. 

You have no idea how scared I am to go, not because I'm scared of losing myself from the world but because I'm scared of leaving you behind. When we got married we both promised to love each other until death parts us, but I didn't think it would be so soon. And I know I won't stop loving you even when death does part us my love. I'll continue to love you wherever I end up, and when you've lived your life, I'll be there waiting for you. I promise.

I want to give you something you can hold onto and read for years after I'm gone, so I'll try and write everything down so that you can have it okay? It's kind of hard to use a pen so it might take me a while, especially since I don't want you to see this until after I'm gone. You'll just tell me to stop talking about death and that you have no doubt I'll make it through this. And I love you so much baby girl, but I think we both know this doesn't have much time left. 

I want to tell you about the very first time I saw you back when we were little sixteen year olds. Moving onto your street was the best decision my mom ever made, and it was an honor living across from you. I remember exactly where you were on the window side seat in your bedroom on the second floor, scribbling away in your diary. You had jeans and a pink shirt on, and your hair was all wild and frizzy. When you looked out the window at me, I knew I had to know you. But I also knew I was awkward and wouldn't talk to you first, and I was so happy when you ran out to meet us. You were all bubbly and happy about having new neighbors, and as you helped us with the boxes, I knew I'd met my best friend. 

It took me a few months to realize I had feelings for you, but after that I fell in love with you little by little. You have no idea how terrified I was because it was the first real love I'd ever felt and I'd heard stories about how first loves ended. So I never told you. So thank god that yet again, you were the one with the balls and kissed me at that mini golf course when I took you out for your half birthday. Seriously, we might never have gotten together because I was so scared. What an idiot right? So Taylor, baby girl, you have yourself to thank for us.

I knew I wanted you not only to be my first love but my only love, and baby girl you are. People told me it was too soon when I proposed to you, that twenty was too young, but you didn't care. Remember how you tackled me to the ground when I asked you to marry me and we knocked over that gate on the mini golf course? That was one of the moments forever cemented in my memory. You were so happy to say yes and I couldn't stop crying and laughing and God I knew I looked like an idiot, but you didn't care. You just cried and laughed too.

The only regret I have in life is that I didn't have enough time to give you the family you always wanted, the family I always wanted. I really wanted to have kids and a house and a life with you baby girl, and I just wish we could have had that. You would have had your four kids and the back garden pool and I would have been able to decorate the rooms all crazy. I know you wanted a family more than anything in the world, so I'm sorry I couldn't give you that.

So I want you to know that when I go and when you feel okay again, I want you to try and find that family if you can. Fall in love with someone who loves you like I did, have a family with him. If you can't, that's okay too. But I don't want you to feel guilty if you ever move on. I'll be so proud to see you hold a baby in your arms and become a mother even if I'm not there. That's all I want for you okay? Live your life and do it the way you want. I love you so much and that's all I want.