To Trust the Dawn

Chapter 60

Chapter 60

Last Chapter

They say, it's easier to forgive than to forget. You may verbally utter forgiveness, but it won't entirely stop the wounds from bleeding. The rain may stop, but the wet surfaces remain. The war may stop, but the different kinds of graveyards it created will remain.

But for me, it's harder to forgive when you yourself, the provider of it, haven't forgiven yourself yet. Kasi paano nga ba magkakalaman ang pagpapatawad para sa iba kung ang nagpapatawad ay wala man lang ni katiting nito na natitira para sa sarili?

"Est-ce que ça va, Faith?"

I blinked when I realized that I've been staring at the single petal of marigold that I was holding for almost a minute now. I caged it in my fist and turned my gaze to Eloise, who as usual, has that worried look on her face whenever she finds me spacing out. I've lost count on how many times did she notice me spacing out at work since I came back here, and unfortunately, there are some times that I unconsciously do it during the most crucial moments that I need to function as the head cook.

It was really... hard. It's even an understatement. Akala ko mas madali nang mag-function kapag nandito na ako sa France dahil inakala kong magiging distraction ko ang minamahal na trabaho para kalimutan ang lahat, pero nagkamali ako. I shouldn't even find a distraction in the first place because I really had to... face it all.

Well, that was during the early months of the beginning of my healing process.

Eloise was asking me if I'm okay. I still don't know how to respond to that question because I'm not really sure. I just told her that I am for her to avoid worrying anymore. I also smiled to convince her.

Her eyes squinted at me until she let out a chuckle, a teasing one. Bumaba ang tingin niya sa isang piraso ng marigold na dala ko. "Je suppose que tu te souviens de l'époque où ton admirateur secret t'offrait des bouquets de soucis il y a un an, hein? (I guess you're reminiscing the times when that secret admirer of yours gave you bouquets of marigold a year ago, huh?)"

My lips parted at her. A small smile appeared on my lips eventually when I remember that moment a year ago. Si Eloise pala ang naging tulay kaya palagi akong nakakatanggap ng mga 'yon.

Napailing na lamang ako sa kaniya at itinago na ang piraso ng marigold sa isang bulsa ng slacks ko. I turned my back at her and continued to help prepare for the restaurant's closing for this night.

"Hmm... à en juger par votre réaction, je parie... que vous le considérez déjà comme votre amant! (Hmm... judging your reaction, I bet... you're already considering him to be your lover!)" Her smiled widened. "Je me demande où il est maintenant, mais j'ai l'impression qu'il t'a durement touché au cœur (I'm wondering where he is now, but I feel like he badly hit your heart.)"

I chuckled. "Arrête d'imaginer des choses, Eloise (Enough with imagining things, Eloise.)"

She continued teasing me about it. At dahil hindi ko kayang nakikita niya na napapangiti ako kahit anong pigil ko, I use my head-cook-position card to shut her off and focus on what we're currently doing. She pouted and did what I told her to do.

It's been a year since I came back here in France. A tough and gentle year of healing.

When I came back here, I felt like I forgot how to start things again. Pakiramdam ko, nakalimutan ng katawan at kaluluwa ko kung paano magsimula ulit pagkatapos ng mga nalaman na siyang parang tumapos sa buhay ko. I even forgot how passionate I was when it comes to cooking, that is why my work was really affected. It took a toll on me... in everything.